The Marvel Fanfic
by thesmolperson
Summary: S.H.I.E.L.D. Psychologist Cressida Evans goes through more than she really should. I LOVE hearing opinions on my work so if you want to, kindly, constructively and respectfully, criticize my work I am fully open to it! Cover credits to nervous-selkie on tumblr!
1. Chapter 1: First Meeting

"You have very interesting credentials Miss…"

"Evans, sir." I replied. "Cressida Evans."

"Miss Evans, the patient has not responded to any other forms of treatment. Furthermore it is unadvisable that anyone even have contact with-"

"Sir, if it's all the same to you, I know the risks I understood them when S.H.I.E.L.D recruited me. I don't need to hear them again."

This old man looked at me over the top of his glasses. Then he raised his hand and took them off.

"I am not completely certain that you understand."

I stared at him, my eyes burning through the short distance between us.

"I understand." I stated, "I understood three years ago."

Three years ago my hometown burned.

I was sixteen. One of those kids who worked hard to get through their education. I finished high school at fourteen. I had two years of college under my belt when it happened….

The attack.

Loki and the aliens swarmed Manhattan, killing both of my parents and many more friends. It left me with nothing more than tatters of a former life. That was when I abandoned the life which held nothing for me, and started a new one. I vowed not to be helpless like that again. Two years later I finished my degree. Straight away after college I joined S.H.I.E.L.D. I deliberately and quickly moved through the psychologist's ranks. Once he had been recaptured I got the assignment I had been yearning for.

Loki.

S.H.I.E.L.D. gave me the mission to rehabilitate him. It was my personal mission to make him realize what he had done. How he had ruined so many lives. _My_ life.

I'd gotten briefed so many times on this mission, I knew exactly what I was doing.

At least, I thought I did in the beginning.

They led me through a series of strong looking metal doors. Each one with more security measures than the last, which was why I was surprised when the last door was just plain wood with a deadbolt.

"This is it?" I asked.

The agent guarding the door tilted his head. His black suit contrasted with the plain beige walls. His face was non-descript, he would probably be good for undercover operations.

"Yes, sir." he replied.

"I'd like to enter now." I told him as I made sure my glasses were straight and made sure my hair was still in my nice, neat bun.

The agent easily unlocked the door and pulled it opened. He stood on the on the outside of the door so I could easily get in. I could feel my nervousness increase as I stepped into the door. I turned back to the agent.

"Thanks."

He nodded in response.

The room was sleek and clean. Most of the furniture was bolted to the ground and they were all composed of glass and stainless steel. The room was lit by extremely bright electric lights. I blinked a couple of light. A laugh came from all around me. It was cold, condescending and reminded me of my parents death.

"Another one?" a steely voice stated. "I assumed you would've given up by now. But you humans, you're just so adorably persistent."

"Some people would read into that persistence as being annoying."

"Yes, I certainly do."

"Is that why you killed all of them?"

"And there it is." He responded, "I've talked to so many of your kind."

"My kind… Humans?"

"No." He paused "therapists."

I finally located him, lying on a cot in the annexed room. It was funny, actually, seeing this man who was once so powerful, and really was still powerful, lying dejectedly on a cot, complaining about therapists. I approached him and sat in a chair, turning it to face his bed. He sat up. His black hair ran down his back and stopped just past his shoulders. His shirt was a black button down and he was wearing blue jeans. He was clean shaven, though, why they would let him near a razor was beyond me. He regarded me with a chill in his green eyes before he put his hands on the edge of the bed and looked to the left.

"I'm not like the others who have visited you before. I'll guarantee that."

"May I ask why that is?" he cocked his head to the side as he looked at me again. "You are a child, unknowledgable. What sorrow have you been through to make you so determined?"

I closed my eyes for a second as my mind flashed back to awful things I didn't want to think about.

"I will not fail."

He laughed, a quiet chuckle.

"Don't you see?" he yelled, "You will never succeed. No one will. I am Loki, of Asgard and I am a god."

"Well, my goals are a bit different than those who came before me."

I stood up and walked toward the door.

"What is your goal?"

I jumped at least two feet. Loki had followed me and had whispered in my ear from behind me. I spun around, smacking him in the face with the back of my hand. Afterward my hand stung for a moment from the cold of his skin.

"Don't. Don't even try that."

He laughed again, I was starting to resent his laugh.

"You will apologize. That is my goal." It sounded childish but that was all I wanted from him.

I wanted him to admit he had destroyed lives, ruined them. I swiped my card which activated a signal on the outside of the door. This signal let the agents know that I was ready to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Loki." I said, as I stepped through the wood door.


	2. Chapter 2: Talking about the Parents

The next day I went through the same procedure to get in, minus the briefing. This time when I walked in the door Loki was sitting at the table right in front of the door. His hands were folded on top of the table. He wore a white t-shirt with sleek black jeans, I looked at him for a short moment before I walked up and sat down. I adjusted my glasses on my nose and tightened my sleek black ponytail.

"Well?" I asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

"I'd like to talk about your parents."

I was stunned.

"W-wait how do you know about that?"

He smiled.

"I killed them myself. Do you think I lounged around Stark's tower the whole invasion? No, I was out in the fray and I killed them." His face twisted with an evil grin. "I remember them screaming as they died. They called for you. Yelling 'Crissy, Crissy are you there?' I killed them. So, Miss Evans do you really want to work with the god who killed both of your parents ? Because if I were I certainly would not."

I stood up, slamming both of my hands on the table.

"Let me get one thing clear." I snarled. "You are evil. That's what I believe and you obviously believe it too. My goal is not to make you good, my goal is to make you understand that what you did was wrong. To make you understand how you utterly destroyed lives. You do not understand what you have done to so many people."

"You speak of how I do not understand the losses of your people. I understand more than you would like to believe. I found out who I was in the midst of a battle I opposed. In one brief moment I realized all I had known was false. My identity was the opposite I believed it to be. So, as you talk of the struggles of the people I hurt. Remember you are speaking to one who knows trouble just as well."

I was silent for a minute while we held eye contact. I eased myself back into my chair, being careful not to break the string which seemed to be running between us. His eyes were green, charged green, you could almost see sparks flashing through them.

"We may have a bit more in common than I would like to admit." I sighed. "I do understand you have been through a lot."

"No" he replied. "You have no idea what I have been through and you should not try to believe that you do. You are only lying to yourself, just as you have been through the past three years."

"Wait… what do you mean?"

"You have always thought that it was me you blamed your parents death on. You have always blamed yourself. If you had not gone to college so young they wouldn't have gone looking for you would they?"

"Stop, please, stop. You are wrong, so wrong…" I trailed off, my thoughts taking over.

He did kill my parents. He admitted that. Why would he try to twist my thinking? He _is_ the trickster god. It seems different though.. like he doesn't want me to like him.

"Is that what you're doing then?" I laughed. "You're trying to get rid of me. Quite obviously you don't want me here so you're trying to scare me away. Well, it won't work because I will succeed."

"Humans amuse me. You're always so foolishly confident. You seem to think I am a beast to be tamed, something free willed to be turned docile. Humans feel the need to convert everything to their ideals. You are just the same."

"Well, Loki, what if I were to tell you that you are just like your brother?" I saw him bristle slightly. "What if I said you were so similar, your hunger for power, your longing for battle? You and Thor share many traits but, does that make you the same as him?"

He looked down at the table, as if contemplating his answer.

"My brother and I are not the same. But, I still believe assimilating others is at the core of human instincts. I do not believe you are an exception to that."

That was a small step at least.

"So, all humans are the same? What about Tony Stark, or Natasha Ramanoff, they certainly did not wish to assimilate you. They simply wanted to keep you and those other aliens from same to our culture. Your goal was to turn us all into slaves, was it not?"

He laughed.

"Our goal was much more than you would be able to wrap your mortal brain around."

"Try me." I countered.

"Imagine what happened to Agent Barton, but on a mass scale. Imagine humans being slaughtered like cattle. The only survivors we would allow would be those who were extremely brilliant, strong or beautiful. All others would have served as, shall we say, entertainment."

"What purpose would the ones you kept serve?"

"Whatever purpose we would so choose. Most likely they would have served as soldiers in future conquests to other worlds."

"Why would you need other worlds if you already have ours?"

"And there you are. You amusing humans with your assumptions about knowing everything. You think you are the most evolved society and I think you are just so funny."

"Most humans understand that we don't know everything. That's why S.H.I.E.L.D. exists, to help us understand what we do not."

"And how did your S.H.I.E.L.D. react to a portal they could not close? They shot missiles which would have destroyed a whole city, along with millions of civilians and the world's greatest heroes."

"That was not entirely S.H.I.E.L.D.'s decision."

"Ah, yes, your precious council. Whose reaction to anything new is to destroy it."

"The problem is not us choosing to throw bombs at things, the problem is the way the new things are presented. When someone storms in announcing that they are going to take over our world, we will most definitely react with force. If some aliens came in announcing an intention to create a peace treaty we would not react nearly as violently."

"Why do you feel the need to justify humanity to me? It is as if you are afraid I will judge you harshly."

"I honestly don't care what you think of me. I feel the need to justify our actions to you because otherwise I believe you would not understand. To me you do not have any humanity, or heart."

He looked at me, his eyes were brimming with sadness. The rest of his face was stone, cold and blank. I stood up.

"Perhaps now would be a good time to end today's session."

He nodded and leaned back in his chair. I couldn't tell if he was hurt or if he was simply mentally exhausted. As I walked past him, towards the door he lifted his hand quickly and grabbed my arm. I cringed away from his touch. He saw my reaction and dropped his hand. I lifted my arm. The skin where he had grabbed me was red, as if it had been exposed to cold. I quickly moved away and swiped my card in the slot.

"Miss Evans?" He whispered.

"Yes?" I replied.

"Do you truly believe what you said? Do you truly believe I have... no humanity?"

"Honestly?" I said, "I'm not sure what to think yet."


	3. Chapter 3: Tony Being Tony

When I got home I poured myself a glass of milk and flopped down on the couch. With a full package of double-stuf Oreos I was ready for some TV. I'd just started a new show called Psych and it was just hilarious. I reached for the remote but I found, to my surprise that it wasn't there. I checked under the couch but it wasn't there either. I stood up and walked back into the kitchen. It wasn't on any of the counters. When I finally found it, it was lying on the floor in the hallway on the way to my bedroom. What the hell? I thought as I crouched down and picked it up.

I walked back through my kitchen. When I walked into my living room, there was someone sitting on my couch and eating my Oreos. I quickly snapped out my handgun which was still attached to my belt from work.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Woah, please, put that away. I'm nothing you need to fire at."

The man had raised his hands when he saw my gun. He was still holding one of my Oreos. I recognized that hair. Actually I recognized everything about him. Especially the ARC reactor in his chest.

"Stark?" I asked, putting my gun back in its holster. "What are you doing in my apartment? And why are you eating my Oreos?"

"Well I expected a bit of a warmer welcome."

"Did you hide my remote just so you could pop out when I came back?"

"Yes." He replied, tilting his head.

"Okay, so why are you here?" I sat down on the couch next to him.

"I heard you'd been assigned Loki in the Psych department."

"And?"

"I just wanted to warn you to be careful. He's very dangerous and he is definitely evil, if you-"

"No offense, Tony. But, to be honest, I know just how dangerous he is, if not more so than you. I know how evil he is. Oh, I definitely know how evil he is. I don't need any more warnings. I can deal on my own."

He opened his mouth to speak then closed it again. Then he took a deep breath.

"What did he do to you?"

"Oh, he didn't do anything to me." I laughed. I got out of the invasion with a long cut down my back, just one scar. No, he didn't do anything to me. It's what he did to my parents, all of my friends."

Tony seemed cautious, he could tell this was a very touchy subject for me.

"What did he do to them?"

"What do you think he did? He killed them, brutally and deliberately just because they were there."

He swallowed quietly.

"Did that contribute to your decision to join S.H.I.E.L.D.? Did you think you would get a chance to avenge their deaths? No pun intended."

"Last question first, no. I have never intended to harm Loki in any way for vengeance. Yes, the experience of my parents death and…" I trailed off then quickly shook my head to keep from being absorbed into unwanted memories. "...other things prompted my decision to join S.H.I.E.L.D. I chose not to be helpless in a situation like that again."

"So, why are you even working with him? Are you trying to turn him good?"

"No." I immediately responded. "I don't think it's possible to turn him 'good.' I am just trying to get him to admit his mistake."

Tony exhaled, nearly laughed..

"Good luck with that. I don't think he will be too keen on that idea."

"He has actually been getting better. You'll see ."

He stood up and walked to the window which led to the fire escape.

"I guess I will." He replied with a cocky smile. "I'll see you soon Agent Evans."

"Wait!" I exclaimed. "Why are you even here? I mean, you can't be trying to find out my background, S.H.I.E.L.D. already knows it. So why are you talking to me?"

" Some things can't be told in letters on a page. I was just curious to find out what's going on in that pretty little head of yours."

"Flattery won't help you."

"Flattery always helps me."

I smiled.

"Bye, Tony." I told him, my words toned by my smile.

"See you in the near future. My number's on the table if you need me."

"Yeah, I'll see you."

After I finished my sentence, Stark opened the window and stepped out onto the fire escape. An odd, but surprisingly effective way of getting in and out of places. He gave me a little wave then I watched him descend the ladder. As I turned away from the window I closed the curtains, I didn't want anymore people like Stark getting any ideas. I sat back down on my couch and grabbed an Oreo out of the package, thank god Stark had only eaten a few of them. While I munched I formulated theories as to why Stark had visited, other than the reason he had stated otherwise. Nobody breaks into someone's house just to find out what goes on in their "pretty little head." He wasn't scoping me out for S.H.I.E.L.D. they already did that. We're the Avengers as a group interested in me? That could make sense. They might not have major access to S.H.I.E.L.D. files and intel so they might've decided to just get it themselves. I don't even know why they would be interested in me! Is it because I'm working with Loki? That is a reason I definitely wouldn't dismiss. I can't think of any others. I took a sip of the milk. Well, whatever it their reason I'll find out eventually.


	4. Chapter 4: Jotun Loki

The next day I arrived at headquarters with a book in tow. It was my family photo album. I thought that maybe sharing it with Loki would help him to feel differently. I felt like my methods seemed childish.

'Show him pictures of my once happy family then maybe he'll feel bad about it.' But I really thought it would work. I went through all of the security procedures but before I went downstairs I stepped in my office to grab some coffee. In S.H.I.E.L.D. we brew the strongest coffee, no question. If you drank some of it at five in the morning, the caffeine rush probably wouldn't wear off until the afternoon. Trust me, you'd need it, especially if you were a field agent. I wasn't one but I'd heard of their hectic schedules. I poured myself a half mug of coffee and diluted it with cream and sugar. Afterward, album in hand, I made my way to the elevator while managing not to spill any of my coffee. The elevator descended quickly and I got crammed into the back as people got on and off. When the elevator reached my stop I had to make my way the mess of people. Angels must've been singing because, yet again I managed not to spill any of my coffee. I walked through all of the doors that led to his cell. When I got through the wooden one I glanced around. The room was a disarray which it had not been in the previous times. The only furniture which wasn't bolted down, chairs and such, were lying haphazardly across the floor. Pillows from his bed and couch had been strewn about as well, none of them had been shredded though, which was a good sign.

"Loki?" I called, half nervously half concerned.

"Leave." I heard his voice murmur.

"What, no, Loki, why?" I asked, finally locating him in the annex where he was hunched over, his hands pressed tightly to his forehead.

His hair hung over his face, so I wasn't able to see his expression. I knelt down next to him.

"Loki what's wrong? What are you doing?"

"I cannot speak with you today. You should leave."

"You say I should, but I'm not going to. I really think we should talk every day. What is wrong and can I do anything to help?"

He slowly lowered his hands so I could see his face. Then I noticed it. His eyes a dark shade of orange with circles of red and black, the latter nestled within the former. His skin was deep blue. like sapphires. The markings across it caused shadows to dance across his face as he turned his head one way or the other.

"It's the way you naturally look, no magic disguising your form. It's amazing! Why did you stop your disguise?"

"I did not make a deliberate decision. It occurred while I was asleep. I awoke to my face as such in the table's reflection. I cannot bear to see myself with this… repulsive face. It pains me and reminds me too much of events I would desire to forget."

"I think it's marvellous." I replied, reaching my hand out as if to touch his face.

Just before my hand touched him he grabbed my wrist and pulled it down. This caused me to fall forward, on top of him. I quickly lunged back, embarrassed and scared.

"Sorry." I said hastily. "I'll go like you asked."

"No!" He exclaimed then he toned it down a bit. "You may stay if you think it would be the best course of action."

He stood up and I saw how tall he actually was. With me sitting and him standing I could truly see the height he got from being a frost giant. I realized I was staring so I stood up and turned away from him.

He is Evil. I thought. He killed my parents and thought it was funny. You're getting killer empathy and you need to stop.

I took a deep breath in order to recompose my professional attitude. Then I turned back to him.

"Shall we clean up?"

It took us a few minutes to get the room back in order. I was surprised when he decided to help. After we finished I had him sit down on the couch with me , There were a couple of awkward inches between us. I set the album down on the table and took a sip of coffee.

"Damn it!" I exclaimed, gagging a bit.

"Excuse me?" He replied.

"Sorry, my coffee got cold and I'd had it done perfectly." I set the mug down on the table. "Now, this may seem childish to you, but I'm going to show you some pictures of my family. Before the invasion. Afterward I'd like you to tell me what you think."

I opened up the album and showed him each photo, giving him a brief description of each event. He was either feigning interest or thinking of interesting things. I finally got to the last photo in the album. A picture of my parents and I at my high school graduation.

"This is the last time we saw each other before the invasion. I had an early orientation for college so I left the next day. I didn't see them again until the day of their funerals. I found out they were dead a few weeks after the invasion. That's when I decided to join S.H.I.E.L.D."

"You think that sharing a sob story with me will change my nature. You try to convert me to your ideals. I assure you, I will not change my way of thinking for you."

"I told you before, I'm not trying to change your way of thinking, I just want you to understand the losses of all of us. I want you to know how it affected me."

"I can relate my loss to yours. I lost the belief that I had a father, after I found my true identity."

"But, you have never felt the pain of losing the life of someone you love."

"The pain I have felt is much more than you can fathom. You have not an idea in your head which could match my experiences after I fell from the Bifrost. You cannot understand the anguish, the burning sensation which plagued me unless I did as I was told."

"You were tortured? But that isn't on your record."

"You actually believe I would speak of those experiences to anyone?"

"You're speaking of them to me now..."

"I suppose so, but you aren't really the same as the rest of them are you?"

I started to say something, then I paused at a complete loss for words. What did he mean by that? I certainly hope he didn't mean it in a romantic way. That's something that would get me fired. Did he mean it in a way which means I send off different vibes from the others? Wait, vibes? Really?

"I'm sorry Loki, but I'm going to have to ask your meaning."

"My meaning? Oh, you mean me saying you are different. I mean we have shared experiences, experiences that are similar, you and I. Our personalities are not so different. Though you would not like to believe it you are just as evil as I am. The only difference is that I have welcomed my evil as much as you have shunned yours. The evil is there none the less."

"How does that make me differ from the others? I think everyone has the same potential for evil as me. What is the difference between me and say, Agent Romanoff?"

"Nothing, except I would say you are more intelligent."

"Than Agent Romanoff? Please." I snorted.

"You doubt yourself? You are the one who is actually trying to make the bad guy good again."

"Stop." I told him. "I've already explained to you that my point is not to make you good again."

"Is it really not your goal?" He laughed. "You're lying to yourself again Cressida darling."

"Don't call me that. Please don't talk to me like that."

"I will speak how I choose to, _darling._ "

"Stop it, stop trying your smooth trickster ways on me. I know what you're trying and it's not going to work."

I decided it was time to end this session. I stood up.

"Thank you for your time. I'll be here tomorrow."

"I'm sure you will."

He tipped his head in a way that made it seem that he was looking down on me, even though he was sitting below me.

"Good day." I told him.

"Good day." He replied.

And I left the room.

A few hours later I was finishing up my report on that days project.

"I've determined that he is progressing if only in small increments. He still seems rather hostile but it has certainly diminished since our first encounter." I typed, finishing the report and sending it to Agent Coulson. I hadn't mentioned Loki complimenting me. I had considered it but decided against it. I thought if I mentioned it that I would get taken out off of the assignment. That was my first mistake.


	5. Chapter 5: Well Then

The next day was hectic in the office. Everyone was running around like something was terribly wrong. As I was walking to my office I grabbed the arm of an agent who was rushing past me.

"What happened?!" I asked, a tone of urgency of my voice.

"Nothing major, just a lot of little bad things making one big, bad thing." He answered with a smile.

"As in?.."

"Just a bunch of computer viruses hitting us at the same time. Don't open any zip files in your email."

With that he pulled his arm away and walked briskly in the opposite direction. I shrugged my shoulders and went walking back towards my office. After making a cup of coffee I sat down at my desk and turned on my computer. When I opened my email there were tons of unread messages. Most of them were the virus email that that agent had told me about. One email was from Agent Coulson and it didn't contain a .zip file so I opened it.

Agent Evans,

I would like to speak with you today after your meeting with Loki. Please come to my office at 14:00. Don't bring anything with you. Don't try anything, I will know.

Agent Phil Coulson.

I finished reading then leaned back in my chair. Does this have anything to do with Tony's visit? Or with what I didn't tell him yesterday? Whatever the case I would be there. I stood, grabbing my cup of coffee and sipping it on my way down to the cell. I stepped out of the elevator and set my empty cup in one of the dirty dishes bins which are put next to all of the coffee makers. As I went through all the security doors I pondered what I was going to talk with Loki about. I had purposefully not planned anything for today so we could talk about whatever he wanted to. I nodded to the agent who was at the side of the wood door and walked through. He was nowhere in sight at first glance. I closed the door without turning around.

"Loki-" I started to say, then I was cut off by cold hands grabbing me from behind.

One of his hands clasped over my mouth the other latched around my waist. Locked in this position, I attempted to break free but with no avail. His face was right next to my ear. He laughed, his breath was cold as it ran down my neck. I struggled and tried to bite his hand. His grip was so strong that I felt like no air could leave my mouth. My waist felt like it was being crushed.

"Human life." he whispered. "So fragile. I could end you in an instant. Somehow you always get the better of me. Not this time."

He moved his hand from where it clamped over my mouth into a chokehold. Immediately it cut off my breath. I quickly grew lightheaded and dizzy. I only had about a minuted of useful consciousness. The lock he had around my waist prevented me from doing anything with my feet. It also, unfortunately, cut off my access to the button I had which let me alert the agents outside if I was in danger. I couldn't figure out how to escape, I wasn't going to be able to keep him from choking. So, instead of fighting him I let my head fall back on his shoulder and my body relax downward. He seemed stunned by this response and released me.

I fell to the floor, sputtering and coughing and just trying to breath. Once I regained my ability to speak I looked up at him, my hands on the ground.

"Why?" It was the only thing I could manage to cough out.

When I looked at him he seemed just as shocked at what he'd done as I felt. He took a step backward as if he was afraid he would hurt me again.

"I don't know. Stay away!"

I was so stunned I didn't know what I was doing.

I stood up and walked towards him. My hand came up and grabbed his shirt.

"You bastard." I growled. " I almost trusted you. You almost had me. I will never make that mistake again. I will never trust you. Don't worry though, I'll keep coming. Until you admit to your mistakes, I will keep coming."

I let go of his shirt.

"You're a psychopath, an unfeeling psychopath. You may try but even if everyone forgives you for what you did. I will never."

He was obviously upset, but he deserved it. It's what you get when you nearly kill someone I tried to walk out of the room but my legs gave way. I used one of the chairs by the table to support myself. I finally gave up on walking and sat down in the chair. He came up and sat down in the other chair. I glared at him while he avoided eye contact.

"I apologize." he whispered, nearly inaudibly.

"Thank you for your apology, I will not forgive you."

I stood up, this time my legs were able to support my weight. I looked at him for a moment, then I turned away. Walking to the door, I took my card out and was about to slide it through the slot when he said something.

"Why do you torment me?"

"What?" I snapped, turning back to him.

"You are so… unpredictable. You make me think one thing then you do the opposite. You are very, very different from the humans I am accustomed to."

"I could say the same for you."

I turned back to the door and held up my to slide the card. In an instant he was next to me, forcing my hand away from the card reader. The funny thing is his hand wasn't cold that time. He must've been able to activate the power at will. Or, maybe the cold skin only happened when he was in certain moods. At any rate...

"Please stay for a while longer, you don't usually leave after so little time."

"Would you stay to have tea with the assassin who tried to kill you?"

"No, but that was not me... I was not myself. Please understand."

"I don't understand, you just tried to kill me. Now you're trying to get me to forgive you."

"Don't you see, I realised what I was doing. I stopped, is that not the important thing?"

"No it's not, because next time you might not realise and stop in time. Next time there might be casualties like there were in New York."

"But, I know now."

"You know what?"

"I know whom I will not harm. I know who I want by my side the next time I take your world."

"Who?"

"Who do you think?"

And that was when I left.

With that question hanging in the air, a question I couldn't answer, I left too afraid to face it.

After leaving I wasn't sure what to think. I sat at my computer, thinking about what I could possibly say in my report. When I remembered my meeting I figured I would just give him my report verbally.

At twelve I went and ate my lunch: a sandwich with a quick cup of coffee, which I knew I was going to regret later. Back in my office I reorganized my desk. It was my way to keep my mind busy when I was nervous. What was I going to say to Coulson? I wasn't sure what I could say. I don't want to get put off this assignment. I could get Loki to be a better person. I just needed to be left on. What could Tony have wanted? Did it have something to do with Coulson or was it just Tony being Tony? I guess I'll find out.

I still had twenty minutes until our meeting was supposed to start. But, I thought that heading out early would be the best because it usually takes a long time to get anywhere in the building.

I shut the lights out off before I left, after making sure I had shut down my computer. Navigating the hallways seemed to take an eternity and the elevators seemed to crawl through the shafts. As I dismounted the elevator at the proper floor, fifteen minutes after I had left my nerves had considerably grown. Was he going to fire me? Put me on some dangerous field mission where I was certain to die? I was so unsure of what to expect. Why couldn't life be simple? When I arrived at Coulson's door I took a few minutes to compose myself. Just tell him exactly what's happened, hopefully he'll understand. I raised my hand and rang the door chime.

"Come in." Coulson's voice replied. I pressed a button on his keypad and the door slid open.

His office was organized chaos. Lots of papers sat in his 'out' bin and twice as many in his 'in' bin. His computer was a large desktop Mac. I couldn't see the screen, but if I had to guess he probably had twenty tabs open.

"Agent Evans." He nodded. "Please sit down."

I obliged.

Before he could say anything I quickly got something out of the way.

"Sir, am I going to lose my career with Shield?"

"No."

"Alright, I just wanted to make sure. I'm fine if you want to continue."

"Thank you. I would like to know why Tony Stark has taken an interest in you."

"I have no idea. I just know that he visited my apartment once. Has he shown any other activity that makes you believe that he has an interest in me?"

"He has googled you, as well as searched for you in Shield's database."

"You monitor his web activity?"

"Yes, we like to make sure he's not getting into too much trouble."

"I'd assume Pepper would take care of that."

"She does, we provide just a little extra support. Tony tends to get in a little too involved when he's working." Coulson laughed. "The same could be said for all of us I suppose. We wouldn't be in Shield if we couldn't get caught up in our work."

I laughed.

"Many of the Avengers have been showing interest in you. Thor in particular, but Tony has been far more aggressive in pursuing information about you."

"I really don't know why that is."

"Could it maybe be the role you played in the attack on Manhattan? In your statement you said that Tony rescued you from one of the alien soldiers."

"That could be it. That coupled with me working with Loki could have brought me to their attention."

"And how is that going, working with Loki? It seems I've not gotten a report on today's session."

I took a deep breath.

"I thought it would be better to give the report in person, sir. It's just…" Just say it, just say it. "He tried to kill me."

Coulson leaned back in his chair and opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.

"Sir, I'm so close to connecting with him. He's just" I shuddered "A very… distracting person. He's very misdirecting as to showing what emotion he feels toward me."

"I'm not sure I understand." Coulson cracked his neck.

"He's has shown... romantic feelings towards mme. Along with several others: dislike, hatred, empathy and trust. He is very misdirecting."

"That's what I've heard from Agent Romanov. I could have her accompany you for your meetings."

"No, no, that would make it worse. He'd that I don't trust him."

"Do you trust him?"

"Well, no, not really."

"Then why do you think you should provide the illusion that you trust him?"

"Because Coulson," My frustration, with both Loki and Coulson, showing a bit through my words, "If he thinks I trust him he'll be more likely to trust me."

"Evans, your life was in huge danger and I honestly don't like where your relationship with Loki is going."

"I can do this. I know I can do it without developing a romantic relationship, please let me keep going with this."

"I think it sounds a bit too late to keep you from having romantic involvement with him."

"No, you don't understand. I haven't even looked at him. He's the one who's been initiating it."

"All the more reason we should pull you out, or at least have an Agent in there with you to make sure he isn't able to initiate anything further."

I took a breath.

"I may not agree with your chosen course of action but I don't have a choice if I want to keep my job."

"Very correct. Before your meeting with Loki on Monday I am going to have you meet Agent Romanov in the coffee room."

"Yes, sir."

"I am about to be deployed on a field mission. I will not be around over the next few weeks. I trust that I won't hear anything negative when I get back."

"Yes, of course, thank you for meeting with me."

"Wait for one moment. You remember how I told you that the Avengers want to meet with you? I said I would arrange meetings with you for them. Do you have a preference to if the meetings are as we're doing now, or over dinner, or maybe over coffee?"

"Any of those would work fine."

"Alright then, please watch your work schedule to see when they are."

"I will."

"Thank you, dismissed!"

I stood up and left his office. My hands fidgeted out of the leftover nervousness that was jumbled up in my body. Was that a good meeting or did it go awfully? I couldn't really tell. I wish Coulson had listened to more of what I had to say. He didn't think I knew what I was talking about. He might also think I'm in cahoots with Loki… Which I wasn't or, at least I didn't think I was. I got back to my office and shut everything down. Looking forward to my weekend, I whistled as I walked past the other offices and down to the first floor. I took the stairs this time, instead of going in the always crowded elevator. My footsteps echoed through the stairwell. While walking down I didn't pass anyone, and I wondered why, if we were all so fit, that we didn't take the stairs. It was just as fast, if not faster than waiting forever for the elevator so why? Maybe we felt that we deserved to be carried everywhere. But once in awhile you'll need to get up and walk by yourself. I think you should be prepared for that moment, so down the stairs I went, preparing to walk on my own.

((Quick note: I realize that Natasha's real name is Romanova, and that in this fic I change the spelling around. That's just because she does use multiple names and spellings for "Romanov/Romanoff" so I just wanted to clarify in case it upset anyone. ^-^))


	6. Chapter 6: Clint and Natasha

That weekend was to be slightly more eventful than I'd anticipated. I'd imagined it would be nice, relaxing and quiet. But, as I found out when I woke up, Coulson had scheduled two of my meetings today. One with both Agent Barton and Agent Romanov at a nearby coffee place. The other was with Doctor Banner and Thor over dinner. I groaned, I can never have the least bit of peace can I. Stark, Coulson, now I have to meet with all of the Avengers. And dinner with two of the most high strung of them? Sure to be a change of pace. I say high strung.. Doctor Banner is fine, as long as he doesn't hulk out. Thor however is very unaccustomed to 'midgardian life' as he calls it and he isn't really educated in good manners so much as a warriors feast in Valhalla. I sighed. As I got out of bed after checking my phone, I went to my closet and pulled out a nice coffee goers outfit. It was a bit more lax than what we wore in the office but still nice enough. A light green jacket with a white shirt and black jeans. The jacket was more of an olive tone, so it matched very well. A couple of minutes later I was in my kitchen eating a small breakfast before I left.

It seemed odd that I had to meet with the Avengers, I mean, not even Coulson knew why they wanted to talk to me. I definitely had no idea. It's not like I'm a supervillain. I hate getting all of this attention. Maybe Romanov and Barton could shed some light on it at our meeting. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do in the next hour between now and my meeting with them. I crunched away at my bagel and watched the next episode of 'Psych.' After I finished that I read a couple of chapters of my favorite book: Of Mice and Men.

 _It's nearly time to leave._ I thought. I went to my front door and pulled on my black lace-up boots which were given to all Shield agents for field missions. Feeling that I was not prepared I wandered back through my apartment. Spotting my wallet, I grabbed it and shoved it into my back pocket. Then I sighed and shook my head, I was denying the inevitable. I got back on track and left. After I left the building left the building I noticed how nice it was outside. The air was crisp, but warm enough, breathing it left a nice tingling feeling in my lungs. The sun shown brightly with only a couple of wispy clouds accenting the blue sky. I glanced across the road at the people who were walking the opposite way. Everything was normal, they looked like the common everyday workers on their way to their normal jobs. I got to the coffee shop and ordered a latte with a shot of espresso, nothing too fancy. Sitting down at a corner table, I sipped at my drink. This way I was able to see the rest of the restarant.

"Watching for someone?" A woman's voice said from behind me.

I jumped so high that my knee banged on the bottom of the table.

"Jesus!" I swore.

Natasha Romanov slipped around me and slid into the chair across from me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Clint Barton walk in.

"Agent Romanov." I greeted.

"Evans." She said, disposing with my agent title, "Will you excuse me while I go grab my coffee?"

She said it with a slight incline of her head.

"Um, sure, go right ahead."

She stood up just as Clint came and slid into her chair. After blanking out for a few seconds I grasped at the only topic I could think of.

"What did you get?" I said, looking at his drink.

"Double chocolate latte with coconut milk, cinnamon, and coconut whipped cream."

"Okay well, um, why do you two want to talk to me?"

"We're concerned about you Evans." Natasha said, she perched in the chair next to me.

"Why?"

"We're concerned about your relationship with Loki. We think that it may be interfering with your mission."

"Would you please state the exact parameters of my mission. Because, I thought it was my descion how I conduct the sessions as long as I'm getting results."

"Yes, that is true, however we are worried that Loki may have found a way to get to your head." Barton replied. "Kind of" he cleared his throat. "Kind of like what happened to me when Loki brainwashed me."

"What gives you suspicion?"

"The camera footage from your meetings."

"Okay, let me rephrase that; What, specifically on those tapes gives you suspicion?"

"How about when you could've fought back against him when he almost killed you, but you surrendered. He could've killed you."

"No, he wouldn't hurt me…"

"And right there is your weakness, you trust him, even though he tried to kill you."

"No!" I stated forcefully. "No, if I didn't trust him I wouldn't trust anyone. He knows that I know how to kill him, he knows that I know his weaknesses. Emotional weaknesses, if you please, I could tear him down in five minutes and he knows that, at least he does now."

Agent Romanov studied me with indifferent curiosity as if she were looking at a murder suspect. Barton looked back and forth between us like he was afraid to rejoin the conversation.

"Sorry, that was a bit overdramatic." I stated.

"I think it was more revealing than you intended it to be." she leaned back in her chair with a half smile. "You don't trust anyone except for the man who killed your parents. That scares me."

"I don't trust him, I mean, I do, but I don't. I trust him because I know he's afraid of me."

"But how can you know he's afraid of you? You forgot that he's the god of trickery. You could be thinking exactly what he wants you to think."

"That's true. But I really don't think that's what's going on. He was trying to pull his trickery at the beginning but since then he's decreased dramatically."

"But, he tried to kill you yesterday."

Natasha's face was extremely exasperated, like she was trying to explain something obvious to a young child who was refusing to believe her. Then I understood.

"Oh my God, I'm getting killer empathy. I'm sorry, you're completely right."

"Yes, I believe you are. I don't quite know what to do about it."

"I don't know. Maybe you should take me off the mission. I can't figure out what I should do now, I'm so sorry."

"You're fine, as long as you don't let it get too far." Barton said slowly.

"I won't, I won't…. I understand it now. I can keep it in check."

"You'd better." Natasha stated.

With that she stood up. Agent BArton gave me a look of pity and stood up as well. I raised my chin.

"I'll see you on Monday, Agent Romanov."

She looked at me, then left with Barton trailing behind her. I took a moment to go over our conversation in my head. Romanov is definitely going to be keeping a close eye on me Monday. I finished off my coffee and stood up. As I walked out of the store I dropped the cup in a trash can.

The day was just as nice as it had been forty-five minutes ago when I had gone into the coffee shop, but it seemed to have a darker edge, as if the black of the shadows had gotten deeper. It felt colder too, like someone had left a refrigerator door open. I quickly glanced behind me, just to make sure nobody was there. When I looked into empty space I shook my head. I took the shortest route back to my apartment this time, instead of the scenic route I had taken earlier. The cold feeling followed me all the way back and it was still there when I closed my apartment door. As I heaved a sigh of relief my phone buzzed. I grabbed it out of my pocket. The number wasn't familiar but I answered anyways.

"Hello?"

"Hullo darling. It took me a while to get ahold of you."

It was Loki's voice.

"Loki? How did you get a phone? How did you get my number? Why are you calling me ?"

"It's a curious thing. I wonder how long it will be until this agent bleeds out? It's a very big cut on his head."

"Loki what are you doing? Call someone right now, call someone who can help him."

"I'm afraid I have."

It took me a moment to understand what he meant.

"Wait, you're trying to get me to come in?"

"Well I'm afraid if you don't this man will die."

There was a pause for just a moment.

"I'm on my way, don't let him die."


	7. Chapter 7: What Even?

The trip to headquarters was extremely stressful, somehow I made the trip in ten minutes, even though it usually took twenty. When I finally entered the elevator and punched the button I was breathing heavily and covered in a thin layer of sweat. If Loki killed him, let him die. There was no one in the elevator which was odd, even for a weekend. The past few months I have never seen an empty elevator at Shield. When I finally got to the floor where Loki was kept it was abandoned. Even the agent who usually kept vigil outside the wooden door was gone. Thankfully the door was still locked. I slid my keycard and burst through the door. The agent was lying on the ground a few feet from the entry. His arms were bent backwards and he was bleeding from a huge gash across his forehead. I ripped off a piece of cloth from the sleeve of my jacket, it was already really ratty so it came off easily. I used it to dab at the cut, but from the large lake of scarlet already on the ground, I didn't feel like it was making any difference. I pushed the cloth as tightly as I could to his head then I stood up.

"Loki! Look at this! Why did you do this?"

"You didn't come, I had to get you here."

"By killing a man? Loki this is the opposite of what we've been working for this whole time."

"The opposite of what we've been working for?" He screamed. "The opposite of who you are trying to make me become I will never be that person you are trying to mold out of me, the person who is weak and not able to hurt anyone."

He stepped out of the annex, his face was red and twisted, his hands covered in blood.

"I had no idea you were this insane. I made the mistake of trusting you and this is how you try to keep that trust?"

"No, no you don't understand. I did this for you, all for you…"

He surged forward and gripped each side of my head with his bloody hands. My arms snapped up automatically to try and keep him from crushing my skull.

"This man died so you could be near me." He gritted his teeth as he spoke. "It was all for us."

"Get off me!" I spat in his face.

He let go and stumbled backward, wiping the spit off of his cheek. He made an odd gesture with his hands and the blood evaporated into thin air.

"Interesting." He said, as he waved his hand and the body of the guard disappeared as well.

"What?" I questioned. "Why the hell did you do that? You made that up? Where's the agent?"

"He's in the annex, unconscious but unscathed. As for why I did it, well, a little experiment in human behavior."

"I thought you were over that, you were adjusting just fine until yesterday when you tried to kill me."

"When I tried to kill you? Darling that wasn't even an attempt, I intended no harm." He laughed and opened his arms wide.

"Well it seemed like you did from my point of view."

"My apologies, then. It was unintended."

"Was it unintended that you make me think he was dead?"

"No, not at all, but as I informed you it was an experiment."

I shook my head.

"Show me the agent." I sighed.

He nodded and stepped backward, then he turned into the annex. I followed him. The agent was lying in a similar way to the way he had been in the illusion except his arms were fine and there was no blood. I checked his body for any bruises or cuts, as Loki had told me he was fine.

"I'm glad you didn't hurt him, or you would be in a lot deeper than you are now."

"Am I really in at all?" He said from behind me.

"Yes, you are. How did you manage to get him in here, only someone completely insane would come in here willingly."

"You are insane then? Did not you volunteer for this assignment? You are insane, why try to deny that fact?"

"You're the insane one. I don't even understand where you get the idea that I am crazy. I come here because I know I can help you."

"I do not want your help. You humans have been forcing me into this. I don't want this, I've never wanted this. This- this mad game you play with minds and pretend it's psychology."

"Ha, speak for yourself, who was the one conducting experiments five minutes ago?"

As he opened his mouth to retaliate my phone rang. I pulled it out and turned away from him. I had my generic ringtone set to Fall Out Boy's Centuries. I sighed.

"Mind if I get this?" I asked.

"Go ahead." He replied. "You only have the rest of your life."

I slid the icon across the screen and put the phone to my ear.

"Agent Cressida Evans, how may I help you?" I said in my sugary sweet phone voice.

"Agent Evans, this is Doctor Banner, I was just wondering what time we're meeting for dinner?"

"Dinner with the Hulk? You're more insane than I realized." Loki whispered next to my ear.

I ignored him and answered Banner's question.

"Coulson put it into my calendar at 7pm. Is there anything else I can help you with Doctor?"

"No, thank you." He replied, "I'll see you this evening."

My phone beeped after he hung up. I lowered the phone from my face.

"Before you say anything, Coulson is having me meet with them. Apparently the Avengers were asking about me."

"The Avengers have taken interest in you? Do you have any idea why?"

"Not in the least. All I know is that Tony Stark broke into my apartment to talk to me and. Clint and Natasha think you have me under some kind of mind control."

"Well I suppose you need to move along home so you can make it to dinner in time."

I turned, my nose was almost touching his.

"Are you attracted to me Loki?" I asked bluntly.

For a moment I registered something, fear, I registered fear on his face before his mischievous serenity washed back over him.

"What do you think?" He retorted, trying to dodge the question.

"I think that I want to hear what you have to say, because you keep trying to misdirect me."

He sighed and broke the electric eye contact which had been surging between us.

"You are a person I certainly find intriguing." He said. "I find it curious that you do not fear me. The only people other than you who can force me to break eye contact are all of the Avengers. Together."

"Is that good?"

"It certainly is attractive. You're the first woman I've met who can actually keep themselves composed while speaking to me. Apart from Agent Romanov and Lady Sif."

"And all the other women fall to the ground, begging you to love them?"

"Or they tremble in fear, or awe." He looked at me smugly.

"Is that what you want me to be? Weak? Unnoticeable? The same as every girl you meet? Someone who grovels at your feet? I'm not one of those people, the way you killed my parents made sure of that. If you think I want to be one of those people than your powers of perception have certainly grown dull."

"To be honest I admire that the most about you. Your sharp mind. Your clever tongue. The way you refuse to conform to what people want of you. It adds to your beauty in a great way. I also see darkness in you. I have seen it from the moment I met you. You struggle to be good while most of your mind wants me to do the opposite. Your evil is subtle, it's there but you refuse to acknowledge it. There is more to you than they know. There is more to you than you know. That is what I find attractive about you. Your mysteries, they draw me in. I want to solve every single one of them."

I was stunned. Completely unsure of what to say, I turned away from him.

"You're confusing me. Is this another experiment?"

"No more." He stepped around me. "No more games."

He leaned in and I closed my eyes. Our lips met. He smelled like peppermint and sandalwood, his skin was warm.

Then reality hit me.

I couldn't do this.

I pulled away, leaving him there; looking hurt and upset. I looked down at the agent who was still unconscious. Then I looked back at Loki.

"I was never here." I told him. "If you tell anyone I swear to all the gods of Asgard that I will make you regret it."

He looked at me, the hurt in his eyes deepening as I spoke.

Then I left.

I realized I left like this a lot. A silent or spoken question hanging in the air.


	8. Chapter 8: A Turn of Events

I got home just in time to put in my contacts, apply makeup and slip into my evening dress: Blue with silver beadwork. The restaurant that I met them at was four-star, when I pulled up the door was gotten for me by a valet. I left my keys in the car and gave him a few bucks.

I stepped inside and was greeted by high ceilings, muted jazz, and a hostess.

"How may I help you Miss?" She greeted me with a cheery smile.

"Hello, I'm here for a work related dinner. The reservation should be under Shield or Coulson."

"There is a table reserved for a Coulson, over near the dance floor, follow me please."

She picked up a menu and turned around, leading me deeper into a world of plush carpeting and well groomed waiters. I sat down at the table she gestured to. She handed me the menu and informed me that a waiter would be around soon to take my order. While I waited for Thor and Doctor Banner to show up I looked around the room. A few young couples and several older couples waltzed on the dance floor along with the music. Just below the music was the quiet murmur of voices. I checked my watch: 7:05, the should be here soon. I glanced around the room again. I saw Doctor Banner being led in by the same perky hostess who had brought me in. He sat down in the seat across from me and the hostess handed him a menu.

He glanced over at me, I smiled. He smiled back.

"Hello Agent Evans." He said quietly.

"Good evening Doctor Banner. How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you for asking. And you?"

"I'm fine. Do you have any idea where Thor is?"

"None, he's not really the communicative sort."

Above the low murmur I heard a large, boisterous voice making extremely loud comments about the restaurant.

"I like this place, it will do nicely. Very enjoyable."

The hostess gestured to his seat and he followed her as she led him in. Thor, with his long blond hair and piercing blue eyes sat down across from me. He glanced at Doctor Banner and grinned, then he turned to me, his smile faded.

"You must be the young Miss Evans. I've heard much about you." He smiled a smile which honestly seemed a little fake.

"Who told you about me?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"My comrade…" I felt my shoulders tense up. "Heimdall."

"The all-seeing god? The guard of the Bifrost? What did he tell you about me?"

"He just told me that you were meeting with Loki. And while you were you were concealed from his sight."

"Well, that wasn't my fault. I don't know any magic, especially not any powerful enough to block Heimdall's sight. That was probably Loki's doing."

"I understand that. That is what I assumed from the beginning."

"I'm curious as to what's been going on during those meetings." Doctor Banner asked. "I just arrived and I haven't had time to view the security footage."

I shook my head. "It's not really anything important."

Banner crinkled his eyebrows. "But I'm sure that-"

"What is important," Thor interrupted, much to Banner's chagrin, "Is what Heimdall saw. Untapped potential. He told me that he's seen something in you that is uncommon. Something he's only seen in people like Steve Rogers, Doctor Banner, and Tony Stark."

"Are you saying that-" Banner interjected.

He stopped speaking when he saw something just above me. I felt a pair of hands grab my shoulders. I twisted around and saw the face of Tony Stark. My eyebrows drew together but turned back to the table, allowing myself to relax into Tony's grip.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Tony asked.

Banner looked stunned, Thor looked slightly taken aback.

"Tony, this isn't the best time…" Banner said, irritation flickering across his face for a split second.

Tony slid in the chair next to me.

"So, what's going on, did I miss anything?"

"Tony maybe-" I started.

"Just fill me in, I'll catch on soon enough."

Banner looked a little tense.

"What's been going on in those meetings Evans?" Banner asked.

"Yes, I would like to know as well." Thor agreed.

"It's nothing, I mean he tried to kill me. But until then he was showing progress."

"So, that's it, he tried to kill you?" Banner insisted.

"Well.."

"You know boys, do you mind if I borrow her for a moment? I'd like to dance, but I need a partner." Tony asked.

Bruce looked at Tony with indignation. "We're in the middle of a conversation?"

"We'll only be a minute." He grabbed my hand and pulled me up.

I followed him on the dance floor. Once we were in the waltz position I leaned in.

"Tony, what are you doing here?"

"Listen," He quietly insisted. "I was looking through your Shield profile when I got a notification. Now don't tell Fury or Coulson, but I'm completely connected to their security cameras. I have it set up so it tells me whenever someone enters Loki's cell."

I looked at him and bit my lip.

"You saw what happened?" I asked.

"Yes. I wanted to let you know. I just want to say, I think you're a good person, I'm not going to tell anyone about it because I know you're better than what happened."

"Tony, I can't thank you enough. But I think you really irritated Bruce."

"Don't worry, he can get over it."

By this time the song had ended. Tony offered me his arm. I took it, he led me back to the table, and pulled my chair out for me. I sat down and he pushed it in, then slid into the chair next to me. Two pairs of eyes focused on me. Bruce's with irritation.

"Is it alright with you if we continue our conversation Tony?" Bruce asked.

Tony shrugged in response. "Fine with me."

More anger flickered in Bruce's eyes. "Thor, you said that Heimdall saw something in her which suggested her having, I apologize for my frank way of putting it, superpowers?"

"Yes, I believe that is what I saw." Thor stated.

All three of them looked to me for answers.

"Are you kidding me?" I exclaimed. "You think I have any idea why you're talking to me? You'd think I'd know if I had powers?" A brief memory flashed through my mind but I shoved it back out, too painful. "You think I wouldn't tell you guys? I had no idea that I even might have powers until Thor said Heimdall saw it."

They looked at me cautiously.

"You had to at least have noticed something." Bruce insisted.

"No Bruce, I haven't. I've always thought I was just smart."

"Well apparently NOT!" He slammed his hand down on the table.

Tony and I jumped. Even Thor started a little. People around the restaurant glanced over at our table.

"I'm sorry." His attitude quieted majorly. "I'm fine, fine." he muttered muted, more to himself than to anyone else. He took a deep breath. "Your words and the way you phrase things are suggesting to me that you're hiding something."

 _Too many things._ I thought.

I looked him in the eyes for a moment. His dark eyes were intense and showed sharp intelligence, and lots of anger.

As silence ensued a waiter came up to our table.

"Hello, can I get you four something to eat?"

"Yes," Tony was the first to speak, "I'd like the chef's special please, and let him know Tony Stark is here."

The waiter nodded. "And you other three?"

"I'll get the same." Thor said.

"I'd like the Filet Mignon." I stated.

"I'll get the Blue Cheese Salad." Bruce was still as muted and quiet as before.

After the waiter left and silence had again come over the table I quickly opened my mouth and said.

"Loki said something that suggested me having powers when I last saw him. At the moment I didn't read it like that though."

Thor nodded.

"My brother is fairly adept at reading people."

"I've noticed." I whispered, hoping my cheeks weren't flushed.

"Natasha said something similar after she talked with him. She said he was pressing her buttons, trying to find something he could go at, some kind of weakness. Has he been doing the same with you?" Banner asked.

"I suppose. I mean he almost immediately attacked my parents once I said something about that. The second time I talked to him he described killing them. But like I've stated he was improving."

"Then why do you think he tried to kill you?"

"The thing is, I think that was unintentional. Afterwards he acted really distressed, like he was afraid of himself."

"Are you sure that's what happened Evans? You sound like your empathizing with him."

"I mean I kind of am in a way… but I do think that he thinks that I have powers."

"What did he say, why didn't you mention this back at the beginning?" Bruce asked, his voice strained.

"Well, because I thought it was in a different context I thought he was talking about... me as a person."

"You mean, your personality?" Thor inquired.

"Yes."

"My brother is wiley, it makes good sense that he would try to misdirect you as such."

"Why were you talking about your personality anyways?" Banner asked. "Aren't you supposed to be working on his personality?"

"It came up, he brought it up." I said quietly.

"He's been complimenting your personality?"

I looked away. "I guess."

"Has he been making romantic advances on you?"

"No." I whispered.

Tony eyed me warily.

Bruce slammed both his hands on the table and stood up.

"Has he been making a move on you?" he screamed.

Tony and Thor both stood up. Tony grabbed Bruce's arm.

"Bruce, calm down." Tony said calmly.

Bruce looked at Tony. Then he ripped his arm out of Tony's grip. I stood up. Bruce chuckled softly.

"Is it the other way around then? Are you falling for him?" Bruce asked, getting more and more agitated by the moment. "Tell me the truth."

"Bruce I don't know, I just don't."

"What is it that you don't know? I want to hear it right now."

"Bruce, you have to calm down, do you see all of these people, do you want them getting hurt?" Tony exclaimed.

Bruce met his eyes. "Not this time, Tony. No, I want her," he jabbed a finger at me, "to tell me truthfully what is going on between her and Loki."

Tony looked at me. "It's your choice."

I looked between him and Bruce. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could say anything:

"You know Tony? She told you what's going on but she won't tell me?" Bruce's neck muscles started to look strained and his skin was tinted green. I heard him gasping, trying to get his anger under control..

I bit my lip, if he went off now it would be my fault.

"Bruce I-" I started.

"NO!" He screamed.

His whole body rapidly grew and turned green. His muscular upper body ripped through his shirt and the Hulk was unleashed. He turned and picked me up, knocking over many tables in the process. With me in one hand he bounded out of the room. I covered my head as best as I could when he burst through the wall.

This is completely my fault.

"Stop!" My mental cry was just as loud as the word I yelled out.

The Hulk froze where he stood.

There was a new sensation in my brain. I could feel the Hulk's mind; his feelings, thoughts, they had become tangible objects to me. I looked at Hulk's mind, his unbridled rage. I raised my hands and moved them in odd gestures which seemed alien, yet completely comfortable. I rearranged his thoughts, making him calm and bringing Bruce's mind back to the forefront. Then I released my hold on his movements. He dropped me suddenly and unexpectedly. I twisted my ankle and fell to the pavement. I grimaced and held my ankle.

"How did you do that?" Bruce asked incredulously, his voice breathless.

"I have no idea." I responded. "But I think we figured out what my powers are."


	9. Chapter 9: An Important Meeting

There was an emergency meeting called between all of the Avengers. Everyone I had met with: Natasha, Clint, Tony, Bruce and Thor was sitting around the table. Captain America, as he is widely known, otherwise known as Steve Rogers, was there as well as Director Fury. This scared me, I didn't think my powers were that big of a deal. A man I recognized as Agent Jasper Sitwell was sitting in the corner taking notes. He wore silver framed glasses and his head was completely bald, or shaved. Once we had sat down all eyes turned to me. I took a deep breath.

"So, pretty much, I can see all of your thoughts in words floating above your heads. I can sense your feelings and I can control all of it, change your moods, your mindset, even your thoughts. It's really easy. It's… It's almost like I see a diagram of of your thoughts and I can rearrange them to my liking. That's essentially what I did with Bruce when…. When the big guy came out."

Stifling silence invaded the room. I looked at the floor. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see their thoughts. Then I shook my head and looked up. Whatever they were saying, I could take it. My eyes flickered around the room.

Steve: Poor thing, she seems really afraid.

Tony: Is she going to tell them?

Natasha: What does this mean for the thing with Loki?

Clint: Hmmm…

Thor: This is certainly interesting.

Fury: Well this is going to be a whole lot of trouble.

Bruce: The idea of her powers reminds me of what I've heard about recent experimentation. Giving humans powers similar to what she's describing.

"It's not like that." I murmured.

"What?" The whole group responded.

"Your statement, Doctor Banner, they're not like the experimentations. I read that profile, the experiments are about people being able to induce hallucinations, as well as telekinesis. I doubt that I can induce hallucinations, but I can manipulate minds. Make people think what I want them to think. I haven't tried but I can probably manipulate people physically as well."

I looked at them for a moment before I realized they all had very confused expressions on their faces.

"My apologies, Bruce was thinking it."

They exchanged a set of worried glances.

"This is a very powerful set of abilities." Fury stated. "And personally I'm not sure if I like the idea of you being able to snoop around in anyone's brain whenever you want."

"I agree." Tony said, leaning forward.

I laughed. "It's not like I can help it. I can't make it go away just like Steve can't make his super strength go away or Banner can make the Hulk stop."

Steve nodded. "She has a valid point."

"My question is do you have any idea where you got these powers?" Natasha asked.

I looked down at my bandaged ankle which Doctor Banner had taken care of after he'd been restored and gotten a change of clothes.

"No, I-" I had trouble finishing because of a flash flood of forgotten memories.

Well they weren't forgotten, just repressed, if I ever thought of them I would always shove them away and ignore them. That was what would happen every time I would remember the kidnapping. I remembered it vividly. I was ten, on the way home from school. I felt rough hands grab me from behind. They made me pass out with a sweet smelling cloth. I woke up in a dark place. I felt needles poking me all over even some in my skull. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, I could only feel. I could feel cold fluids flowing into my body from the needles. I could hear people speaking, quiet sharp voices. I remembered everything becoming overwhelming. I could see things. But I couldn't handle it, I was getting hot. My head felt like it was being baked in an oven. The voices spoke urgently. I could feel the air moving around me as they tried to fix what was going on. The heat faded. The next thing I could remember was my parents ripping my blindfold off of me, hugging me and crying.

I jolted back into the present. Everyone was staring at me with concerned expressions.

"I do know what it was." I said quietly. "I don't know if it was in your records, but I was kidnapped when I was ten." I went on to explain what had happened.

Once I finished that I told them about my parents.

"My parents were in some kind of agency. I was never allowed to know. All I knew was that they were important figures in the organization, I had to get good grades to reflect them. I know it wasn't Shield they were apart of."

"Your parents being high up in that organization might have prompted your kidnapping." Steve said reassuringly. "As for the experimentation, something like that happened to a close friend of mine in the past."

I nodded slowly, I knew exactly who Steve was talking about but I chose not to say anything about it.

"Hydra, they were the ones who did that." Natasha said. "Do we have any information on recent activity from them?"

"No, I helped destroy part of Hydra. Peggy.." He stopped for a second. I could see the sadness in his thoughts, he was thinking about all of the people he had lost. I wanted to ease his feelings somehow. His grief, it was so powerful it was invading my own thoughts. "Peggy took care of the rest of them."

Good god, he was so sad.

"Just because you cleared them out doesn't mean there aren't still people out there who share their ideas or are a part of it." Clint grimaced.

"Yeah, I agree. Some jerks are really good at camouflaging their actions and making them seem like they're for something else." Tony said.

"Do you think it was Hydra who kidnapped me?" I asked.

"It sounds likely. For now I want you to take tomorrow to think. I've been told it's a bit of a surreal experience to suddenly have superpowers." Fury nodded to Steve. "Be ready to come back to work Monday. You'll meet with Agent Romanov as planned. Meanwhile I'll look into the past of your parents and let you know my findings after your session with Loki. Everyone is dismissed."

I stood up just as everyone else did. I wanted to talk to Steve, I wasn't sure why, but I knew he had something in his mind which made me want to talk to him.

"Steve!" I called once we got into the hallway.

He turned. He was confused, wasn't sure why I wanted to talk to him after the meeting was over.

"Hi, Steve, , Cap, whichever you prefer. Listen, I was hoping I could talk to you."

"Why?" he asked.

"Well honestly, there's just something about you. Something in your mind that interests me, but I can't figure out what it is. I was hoping you could shed a bit of light on what it was."

He was alarmed at this.

"You've been reading my mind?"

"Well I can't really help it." I laughed. "Your thoughts float right above your head and I can feel what you're feeling."

He stared at me for a moment.

"Let me walk you home."


	10. Chapter 10: Steve Rogers

We left the office building which Fury had commandeered for the meeting. I had to walk a bit quicker to keep up with Steve.

"So," Steve said. "What do you want to know?"

I thought for a moment, trying to trying to phrase it in a slightly more gentle way than my immediate thought.

"You've been thinking about a friend, not Peggy, a different person who you lost." He was getting sadder as I spoke. "His name was Bucky."

Steve looked down at me his eyes and his mind filled with anguish.

"Bucky was killed in a raid on a Hydra train. He fell from the side of the train into a ravine before I could catch him."

"And he was a friend?"

"He was my best friend, Bucky was there for me my whole life. I rescued him and many other soldiers from one of Hydra's camps. We weren't sure what had happened to him, we just knew that he had been tortured."

"Did you see him die? Did they ever find his body?"

"There was never time to search."

I nodded. We were walking through the park now.

"You're just so sad Steve." I whispered. "I wish I could help."

"It's okay Cressida. There isn't anything you can do."

I held up my hands. "There is."

Steve's eyes widened, like a little jolt of electricity had run through his body.

"Cressida, I-" I cut him off by holding my finger to my lips.

I noticed that there was someone in the bush in front of us, just off the path. The only reason I could tell was because I could see their thoughts. They were armed with a pistol, ready to attack us. A mugger. I raised my hands and pulled up his mind, sifting through it, I didn't find much. Finding his muscle control, I froze it. He was no longer able to control his body.

I was.

I took his legs and made him stand up and come out of his cover. Then he stood there, perfectly still. I moved my hands to have him drop the pistol.

"Get the gun, Steve." I growled darkly.

Steve stared at me for a second, then stepped over and grabbed the pistol. Afterward he stepped back next to me. I walked up to the mugger and released him. He slumped forward and I grabbed his shirt.

"Scared now?" I asked.

He swallowed and nodded. I noticed a shift in thought just before he snapped one of his hands to his waist. Then I felt the barrel of a gun pressed into my forehead.

 _Damn he had a second gun._ I thought.

Even though I knew I could stop him my heart pumped so hard I could feel it against my chest.

"Wallets, now." He said. "Or I shoot."

I almost laughed. Beads of sweat ran down his pasty face.

"You don't know what I am. What I can do. That's sad for you." I smiled and shut my eyes. "Well I'm your worst nightmare." I held my hand out and froze him. "I'm the time when the night goes from dark to darker." I snatched his pistol out of his hand, then held my hand up poised to hit is pain receptor. " I am the New Moon."

"Stop!" Steve exclaimed. "Don't do it. I can tell what you want to do. Don't become cruel, he's not worth it."

I turned to Steve, saw his thoughts and the look in his eyes. I blinked a couple times then I turned back to the mugger. I released him and watched him scramble away. I turned back to Steve.

Then the rush I'd had faded. I started to get dizzy. I put a hand to my forehead. Then I saw it, sticking out of my arm there was a thin needle. It had been most likely coated in some kind of liquid substance. It was so small I doubt I could've felt it when he stuck me. Damn mugger.

"Steve-" My tongue felt like it was swelling. "I'm sorry about wat jus' happen'"

I was getting dizzier. My tongue was choking me, I couldn't breath. My vision was fading, I sunk to my knees. Steve's hands were grasping my shoulders. He was trying to get me to tell him what was wrong. I held up the arm with the needle. He must've seen it because I felt him slowly pull it out. My breath shortened even more. I felt consciousness slipping out of my grasp. Last thing I remembered was the feeling of Steve picking me up with ease.

I woke in an unusual bed with a headache that felt like thousands of hammers pounding against my skull. My vision was extremely blurry, I had trouble making out my surroundings. I could tell I wasn't in my own house because of the walls, the color scheme in particular. My walls were certainly not pale blue and white. I sat up, which I immediately regretted as nausea and dizziness rolled over me. I let myself fall back on the pillow. As my vision got better I glanced around the room. Newspaper clippings were on the walls, most of which involved Captain America. I thought for a moment that I was in Phil Coulson's room. Then I realized it was Steve's. I glanced around again, more in curiosity then anything else. There was a small photo on his dresser of a beautiful woman in a 40s style outfit, I recognized her almost immediately, Peggy Carter. There was another one of Steve and another man laughing, probably Bucky Barnes. I stared back up at the ceiling. Why did Steve bring me here instead of taking me somewhere else? Maybe it was closer? I have no idea. I worked up my courage then I sat up. Nausea waved over me but it was less than last time. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. My head spinning even more, I stumbled out into the hallway then into the living room. Steve was asleep on the couch. I looked him over. He slept rigidly, practically unmoving. He looked peaceful while he was sleeping, like he was devoid of the sadness which he held in his waking hours. I smiled and sat down in an armchair facing the couch. Several books sat on a table next to the chair. All the titles were well known, such as Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter books, as well as a few dvds The Matrix, the Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles and The Princess Bride.

I picked up his copy of Two Towers and started reading. It took a couple of chapters before Steve finally woke up. He saw me, blinked a couple of times and sat up. He had a cow lick on one side of his head.

"Morning." I smiled.

He reached his arms up and yawned.

"Good morning." He said, his voice still thick with sleep.

There was an awkward silence for a few moments.

"Thanks for bringing me back, I'm sure it was a lot of trouble."

"No problem."

Another silence.

"Listen, about what happened, I know I went overboard. He was just a stupid mugger. It's just…" I shuddered. "It's so much power, Steve. I can find out anything. I can remember anything. So can the moon, at least in stories. But, I don't feel bright like the full moon. I feel dark. Not evil, just dark. This probably sounds stupid but I guess that's why I was drawn to the name New Moon, why I spat it out last night."

"You might want to go home and think. I can guarantee getting powers is not easy. I'll give you a ride back on my motorcycle." He paused. "New Moon."


	11. Chapter 11: Something Different

The ride back was amazing. You haven't lived until you've ridden a motorcycle behind Captain America. He steered like a dream and even when he was going way above the speed limit I wasn't afraid of falling off. He dropped me off at my apartment building. I waved to him as he drove away.

The lobby of my building wasn't very full, only the doorman and his dogs were there. I smiled at him as I pressed the elevator button. He glanced up at me from his book and smiled. _I hate my job._ Was hovering over his head. I snickered a bit as I rode the elevator up to my floor then stepped off. My apartment was all the way down the hall from the elevator so I walked there quickly and unlocked my door. I ducked inside, closed the door and looked around my apartment. My apartment seemed to be in proper order when I walked into the kitchen. I looked around then went and laid down on the couch with a sigh. I held my hand up and flexed my fingers. I held such power now, it felt different from before, like I could actually have an impact on the world. Maybe even save it… I waved my hand in the air, looking for nearby thoughts. None that I could sense, other than other people who lived in the apartments and, wait, that's odd. I focused in on this strange blip. I could sense thoughts, _very close_ thoughts. But it was weird, they seemed like they were coming from a, very literal, one track mind. The mind was having the same thought over and over.

"Complete the mission, find her, bring her. Complete the mission, find her, bring her. Complete the mission, find her, bring her. Complete the mission, find her, bring her…" over and over and over again.  
The rhythm of the words pounded in my mind, each repetition got louder and louder. I clutched my head and used all of my mental strength to block the voice out. It finally faded to a murmur. I collapsed back on my couch.  
"What the hell?" I whispered.

I grabbed my opposite elbows across my chest. What is going on? That voice, is it coming for me? It seems like it's so close. It's getting louder, does that mean it's getting closer? I stood up and grabbed my gun, which was lying on the tiny circular coffee table I had next to the couch. Then I pulled out my phone and dialed Tony Stark's number. The phone rang a couple of times before he picked up.

"Hey this is Tony."  
"Tony, it's Cressida. You know where my apartment is?"

"Yes, why?"

"Someone is coming for me. I don't know who but they're coming fast. I need help. Can you get someone, anyone, down here to help me?"

"No problem."  
I heard a loud banging on the front door.  
"They're here Tony, I have to go."

He started to say something but I cut him off when I hung up.  
The banging got louder and I positioned myself so I could see the front door.

That was when a metal hand broke my door open.

It burst through the door and as it went back out it ripped an even bigger hole in the door. I saw a face with a mask over its mouth and goggles over its eyes. We both paused for a second before he resumed beating the door. I saw a flash of shiny red near his shoulder.  
"Who are you?" I yelled.

He stepped through the hole he had made. I could hear his thoughts again. The same ones.  
Complete the mission, find her, bring her. Getting louder and louder. I tried to block it out as I backed up as he came slowly towards me. I tried to pull up his mind as I backed into my living room. I felt like prey, as if any sudden movements would set him in on me, like a lion. None of my powers would work on him. It seemed that having the one track mind made it impossible for me to manipulate. Maybe it was something else. I felt my back hit the living room window. The fire escape! I slid my hand up to the latch and pushed it open. I leaned up against the frame, tensing my muscles and getting ready to bolt. The man held stock still, watching me for any movement. The thoughts continued, beating, almost like a heartbeat. Getting louder, and louder and louder. I slowly put more weight on the window. He watched me, his black hair hanging over his face.

I slowly raised my gun with my finger on the trigger.  
I squeezed the trigger and

I fired.  
Quickly, I flung the window open and jumped through. I closed it and started descending the fire escape. I looked up to see the man jump through the window. Glass rained down on me and I quickly looked down to avoid losing my eyes. I felt the shards on the leather of the jacket I had borrowed from Steve. The shards fell past me and I shook the rest off my back as I kept going down. I looked up, the man stood looking straight down at me. His brown eyes were piercing but dull, like he wasn't all there, his goggles must've fallen off. Maybe I hit them with the bullet. Foot after foot, I kept going down the ladder. I heard a solid thump, thump, thump much faster than me. He was going to catch me. I jumped off the ladder at the next platform. Then I jumped through one of the windows. I heard someone scream and a woman was standing in the doorway leading to another room.  
"Sorry!" I yelled. "You may want to hide." I ran through the front door and down the hallway. My feet had trouble getting good traction on the carpet so, once I burst into the stairway I ran as fast as I possibly could. My feet slammed on the cold stairs as I charged down. I heard the stair door above me slam and pounding steps coming down. I moved my legs faster, which was a mistake. The next stair I hit, I tripped over my own foot. Falling forwards, I managed to twist so I hit the wall with my shoulder instead of my hand. Pain spread through my shoulder. I bit my lip and stood up. I took my gun out from my belt. He would chase me everywhere, I needed to stop him. I hid right around the turn in the stairs, holding my gun at the ready. His steps stormed down the stairs, echoing loudly. I saw a flash of movement and held my gun up. He smacked his forehead against the barrel of my gun. He stumbled back a couple of steps.

"Hands up!" I shouted.  
He glared at me, his brown eyes glinting with ferocity. He slowly raised his hands. Then he ducked and kicked out with his whole leg. I fell back and I saw a flash of metal in his hand. I smacked my head on the floor and my vision went white, then dark for a few seconds. Once it cleared I could see the soldier holding a knife to my throat with his strange metal arms. I swallowed and dropped my gun. He grabbed me roughly by the shirt collar and picked me up. He lifted me and slung me over his shoulder. My hands weren't bound so I did the first thing I thought of. I grabbed the strap on the back of his mask and yanked it backwards. It came undone and the mask fell off. He grabbed me by the calves and swung me forward. I felt a tug on my collar just before my head hit the ground. I opened my eyes and looked up at his face. A strong jawline and a short black beard coated his chin, making it look like he hadn't shaved for a couple days. His face looked familiar, very familiar. I had seen him somewhere before.  
"Don't make me knock you out." He growled. "Because I will."  
I stared at him for another few seconds.  
"Bucky!" I gasped. "You're James Buchanon Barnes. The one who fell from the train. They never found your body. I recognize your face, Steve had your obituary on his wall."  
I felt a flicker of something different in his mind before it went back to the dreadful chant.  
Complete the mission, find her, bring her. Complete the mission, find her, bring her. Complete the mission, find her, bring her. They must be orders echoing, this wouldn't happen naturally no human could be so focused on one thing. He grabbed my neck with his metal arm.  
"Stop talking." He said blankly.  
"Why are you doing this?" I could see an undercurrent of thought below the orders. "You know Steve."  
"Shut up!" He yelled, squeezing my throat harder.  
The orders were getting more intense, he wasn't going to be able to hold up for much longer. I saw a shiny red star on the shoulder of his metal arm.  
"Remember, Bucky." I whispered.  
"STOP IT." He shouted and let go of me, using both of his hands to cover his ears. I saw a bright light when my head hit the ground. The last thing I heard was a resounding crack before the world went dark.


	12. Chapter 12: Of Course

I came out of the darkness slowly. The first thing I knew were the voices. I knew all of them and I could give them names: Steve, Nat, Tony, Banner, Thor, Clint, Nick, Phil. Their voices floated around me like clouds. The next thing I got was my sense of touch. I could feel the bed beneath me and sheets over me, I could move. I tried to signal to them that I knew what they were saying. I held up the okay sign. My taste came, along with speaking. I kept quiet because I wanted to hear what they were saying.

"He's slowly deteriorating. He demands to see her every day. He's upset that we won't tell him what happens. Phil said.

"Keep him under control. She'll be better soon. The doctor has been saying she's improving." Fury replied. I cleared my throat.

"I am getting better ." I could tell that my voice was scratchy and hoarse. "Could one of you get me some water please?"

They both started a bit.  
"Please? I would do it myself but my vision hasn't returned, though I can feel it resurfacing."  
I heard a bit of fumbling and a faucet running. I held out my hands and received the cold plastic cup. I drank the water quickly, downing the entire glass in two gulps.  
"Thank you." I gasped. "How long have I been out?"  
"About a week, Stark found you in the stairway of your apartment building. Your shoulder was hurt as well as several cuts and bruises. You had knocked your head on the ground and passed out." Nick told me.  
I nodded painfully. "Someone sent an assassin after me. Well, not an assassin, a kidnapper. The thing is he had a one track mind. All of his thoughts were repeating over and over: completer the mission, find her, bring her. He got confused when.." I abruptly stopped.  
"What? What happened?" Phil asked.  
I shook my head. "I need to talk to Steve."  
I could tell the room I was in was bright.  
"Why?"

"Please, I just need to talk to him, now."  
"We'll get him here right away."  
As I waited my eyesight slowly improved from just light sensitivity to being blurry black and white, plain black and white, then color. I greedily relished being able to see again. The hospital room was very spick and span. The bed was a standard hospital bed, with the remote by the side to tilt the end up and down. I used it to prop myself so that I was almost upright. There was a little counter with a sink in the corner and cabinets above that which probably held a bunch of medical supplies. I looked down at my arm. An IV line led to a bag over my head. I stared at it for a second, debating weather or not to take it out. I decided against it. Nick and Phil had both left the room.

I glanced around again, I could sense many nearby thoughts. I was on a hospital, most obviously. They must've taken me here after they found me last… wait, how long had it been? Oh, yes a week. I waited for a few more minutes. When Steve walked in I had almost fallen back asleep. I shook myself back to reality.  
"Steve!" I exclaimed. "Listen, there's something I need to tell you."  
"So I was told." He replied. "I came as quick as I could."

"I don't know if you'll believe me.. I find it hard to believe myself. It might hurt a bit.."

"You can tell me." He said bravely, "What is it?"  
"Bucky…" I took a deep breath. "He's not dead."  
He nodded slowly.  
"And, well, he tried to kill me."  
Steve closed his eyes. He breathed in and out then turned away from me.  
"Wait, wait, it's not completely awful. He's not right!"  
"What do you mean?" He turned back, his eyes flickering intensely.  
"He's being controlled. The only reason he was trying to kill me was because he was ordered to. It was his only thought, until I said something about his name, and about you. He looked okay, except for his arm."

"What was wrong with his arm?" Steve was hanging off my every word now. Bucky was so important to hi, I could see that even without being able to read his thoughts.  
"It was made out of metal, but it was just like a regular arm, in the sense he could move it easily."  
"He was being controlled?"  
"That's what I think."  
We talked on and on until Steve was satisfied. As he was leaving I smiled at him.

"Steve, be happy. After this whole fiasco with Loki is done with, I'll help you find him. He has strong feelings towards you. We'll find him and if he comes to find me again, I'll remind him of you. It stopped him before, it'll stop him again."  
He smiled, it filled me with warmth. Suddenly the world wasn't as scary.  
"Thank you. I'll hold you to that."

"I'll count on it." I sighed. "I wish I had your strength and bravery."  
He winked at me. "You have more than you give yourself credit for."  
I laughed. "Thanks for the confidence."  
"Well, you deserve it."

Phil and Nick came back in after Steve left. They explained the situation of Loki to me. Not that it needed to be explained. Apparently since I had been gone the situation had gone downhill. They wouldn't tell him what was going on which enraged him even more. I could see where his frustration was coming from. After they finished explaining I sat up in my hospital bed.

"I need to speak with him." I flinched, it hurt a bit to move.  
"It would be unadvisable and frankly unhealthy for you to go anywhere. Your body is just not in the condition where you could or should be moved."  
"Then bring him here! You can bind him, make sure he can't escape. I need to speak with him. If it really has been a week since I was attacked, then he is going to be deteriorating rapidly. I'm surprised he hasn't already snapped."  
"You just don't understand how extremely volatile he is right now." Coulson said calmly.  
"You forget how much I know, Phil." I whispered tensely. "I can see your memories."  
I closed my eyes and inhaled. I watched his memory of speaking with Loki the day before. He faced Loki, and sat in my chair.  
"We're just not sure, we can't tell you what happened to her."  
"I need to know, why can't I speak with her?" He said, clearly distressed.  
"She is incapacitated and unconscious, she has been for a few days."  
"What happened to her, has she been injured, did somebody attack her?"

"We can't tell you, not even Shield knows yet, though we are working on it.  
"I need you to tell me! TELL ME! Where is she? What have you done to her?"  
I watched as he kept demanding and Phil kept denying. I raised my hand and slid the memory aside.

"He's definitely deteriorating. I really need to see him, as soon as possible, what is your estimation on how long it will be until I can go and see him? If you don't have an estimation, ask one of hte doctors. I need to know how soon we can either get Loki here or I can go to Shield because if I don't see him soon…" I shivered. "Let's just say, Loki is overly fond of me. I can't guarantee what he will or will not do in order to find me."  
"Was that a threat, Miss Evans?" Fury asked.

"It was a statement of my extensive knowledge of Loki's mind. I may not have seen him since my powers developed but I am still a psychologist."  
Fury and Coulson shared a look. They nodded together.  
"You and Loki will meet in a secured room in the basement." Fury stated.  
I glanced down at my hospital gown.

"I'd appreciate if someone would bring me my uniform."

With much pain and struggle I managed to change into my uniform. I had waved off the female nurse who offered to help me. As I changed I noticed the black and blue bruises covering my side. I couldn't help if Bucky had kicked me in his anger, not understanding what he was doing. The IV line had gotten in the way quite a bit. A doctor had come in and told me I couldn't take it out, after replacing the bag with a different one, which was odd because now that I was awake I shouldn't need one anymore, at least that's what I remembered from my short courses in physical medical studies I took in college. But, no matter, the doctors did know better than me, at least in this case. At that point I was so exhausted that I couldn't read anyone's thoughts, other than the most frontal thoughts, the ones that appeared in text above people's heads. I walked over to the door to my room, flinching with every movement. I opened it and leaned out. I glanced both ways. The hallway was empty. I closed my door and laid back down on my bed, then heaved a sigh of relief. It felt so nice to lay down. My eyelids felt heavy. My whole body felt heavy. I swung my legs back over the side of the bed and stood up. I couldn't fall asleep now. I had to stay alert. I grabbed hold of my IV pole and drug it over with me to the sink. Agent Coulson walked in as I was splashing cold water on my face. After grabbing a towel I dried my face and turned to face him.

"He's here?" I asked.

Coulson nodded. I put the towel down and straightened my back. He led me out of the room and down the hall to the elevator. I drug the IV line wit hme and followed him in. He pressed one of the buttons and the elevator plunged downward. I bit my tongue to stop myself from getting to nauseous and nervous. Closed spaces were still not great for me. Closed, small spaces. The elevator came to a stop. I stepped out first into a hallway crawling with Shield agents. Proceeding down the hallway, I glanced at them. I stopped at the most heavily guarded door.  
"I assume this is the place?" Less of an assumption and more of a courtesy to ask.  
"Yes." Coulson nodded again. "Please go in and get your work done."  
I grunted in return and watched them unlock the door. I opened it and stepped inside. The room was a meeting room. Loki sat at one end of the table, his elbows on the table and his hair in his hands. When he heard the door close he looked up. He stood up when he saw me. There was an oppressive silence which took over the room. We stared at each other. His thoughts were running at a million miles an hour, so fast that I could only catch glimpses of singular words. Dead, hurt, tired, different. The thought with different lingered a bit longer so I was able to catch it. "She is different."  
"Loki." I whispered. "I am different."  
He continued staring at me blankly. My breath was getting more and more labored. Finally I couldn't stand anymore. I sat down in the chair nearest to me. My eyes threatened to close, I was going to fall asleep. My toes felt like they were falling asleep too but in the awful pins and needles way. Whenever I moved them it just spread and got worse.  
Loki approached and sat down. I heaved breaths, trying to get air moving through my lungs.  
 _Why am I having trouble breathing?_ I thought. _My injuries couldn't have caused this. Just push through for now.  
_ "I'm not dead." I wheezed. "I was hurt but I'm not dead."  
He grabbed my hand. His eyes glinted.  
"Who was it?" He asked, his quiet voice tense with anger. "Who hurt you?"  
"It was a man who was sent to kidnap me. With what's been happening…" I trailed off, not bothering to finish. I shook my head.  
"What has happened to you, are you alright?"  
I looked at him, he was genuinely concerned. I smiled, his eyes were level with mine.

"I'm fine, I'm great. Do you sense it too?"  
"What?" He leaned back in his chair, keeping hold of my hand.  
"My powers, something uncommon, potential. Whatever you'd choose to call it." I cleared my throat. "Thor said Heimdall saw it."

Loki tilted his head back so he was looking at me over his nose.

"You finally figured it out then?" He smiled from the corner of his mouth. "How did it happen?"  
"Bruce lost it. He grabbed me but I was avle to take control of the situation."

"What are they? Incredible intelligence? Extreme strength? Telekenesis?"

"I guess you could say incredible intelligence…" I trailed off, unsure of how to explain it to him. Without him thinking it was an invasion of privacy, which, frankly, it was. I decided to give it to him straight. "My powers, they allow me to read and control minds. There are certain limitations. I can't control people or delve deep into their thoughts when I'm fatigued but otherwise I have free reign. Right now I can only see your foremost thoughts, floating above your head."  
He glanced up.  
"Do you have any other questions?"

"Not that I can think of, love, other than one."

"What?"

"Why do you think the assassin came after you?" I thought for a moment, he was asking a valid question.

"I'm not quite sure…" I paused for a moment to catch my breath. "I think I'll find out soon."  
He nodded. His manner was much more subdued. Maybe this is what he's like when he's alone and not trying to mess with you.  
"Loki." "Cressida." We spoke at the same time and then paused. I stood up.  
"I missed you." I whispered.

"I did as well." He responded, reaching out and touching my hand.

I grabbed his and squeezed.

"I'll see you as soon as I can." I told him, letting go of his hand and walking to the door. I knocked on the wood in the pattern I had been taught.  
"Good day." I reverted to a more formal air when the door opened.

"See you soon." He smiled.

I walked out of the room. They closed the door. I turned to Coulson, my breathing still heavy and my body still tired.  
"Everything is fine with him, he'll be okay. I need to get back to the hospital room. I'm so tired and I feel like I am about to collapse."  
"Thank you for your assistance Agent Evans." Coulson said. "Go and get some rest. Be ready to work as soon as you can."  
"Will do."

He walked me up to my room. I pulled the IV pole along and managed to get into bed without collapsing.  
"He obviously needs your help, Evans. We wouldn't dream of taking you off this assignment now, after all that's happened."  
"Thanks Phil."  
"One of the doctors is going to be here in a couple of minutes." He told me. "Most of the Shield personnel will be moving Loki back to his normal confines."

I nodded and leaned my head back on the pillow. Coulson left and I kept myself awake until the doctor came in. For some reason he was wearing a surgeon's mask. He walked to the cabinet and pulled out a cloth and a bottle of liquid. He poured the liquid onto the cloth. I was so tired that I was essentially blind. I couldn't see thoughts, hear thoughts, none of it.

"Doctor?"

No answer. He turned around, I saw a pair of wire glasses which looked oddly familiar. There was something tickling in the back of my exhausted mind. The man was familiar, I knew his face, his bald head. It was the man who had been taking notes during the whole meeting about my powers.  
"Wait, you're a field agent…. Why are you here?"

"Please hold still Agent Evans, I need to activate the effects of the IV."

The IV? Was it going to strengthen whatever side effects that were coming from it? He held the cloth up, clamping down on my nose and mouth. I refused to breath and tried to dig myself out of the sleepy hole that was forming all around me.  
Come on mind. Work. Stop him. Work work work!

I thrashed underneath him. It was finally too much, I had to breath. I inhaled through my nose deeply. My vision quickly went black and I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head.

As I slipped out of consciousness he leaned next to my ear and whispered two dread inducing words.

"Hail, Hydra."


	13. Chapter 13: Confinement

Cold, damn, so cold. I tried to curl up, to make myself warmer, but my arms and legs were tied down. The thoughts were back, I could sense them again. I could see bright light through my eyelids so when I opened my eyes I wasn't surprised by the fluorescent lamp hanging a few feet above my face. I couldn't see anything, save the circle of light around me. I squinted into the darkness, I couldn't see any thoughts in the room with me either. I tuned into the thoughts that weren't in the room, the thoughts that were all around me. I separated them from the general babble so I could hear individuals. None of them were familiar and from the extreme variants of what people were thinking I was able to determine that we had to be in a building near some kind of busy road. I was in a room and the doors were guarded by two guards. Underground, most likely. I was still cold, my head hurt, I could sense a few people other than the guards who I could tell were with Hydra. There was one more mind, Bucky's. He was here too, the orders that he had been given echoing through his head. He and someone else were moving towards my area. I looked to see what was tying me down. My wrists were bound to the arms of the chair by metal rope which dug into my skin. My legs seemed to be bound by the same material. The chair seemed like one of those traditional interrogation chairs from the movies except for out of the corner of my eye I could see a large machine that stuck out from behind me. I heard a creaking noise and footsteps. Bucky and another man, what was his name?

I closed my eyes for a moment. Alexander Worther.

They entered the room behind me and for a second the room was illuminated by the hallway light. It was pretty small, not elevator small, not scary small, but it was pretty tiny. Definitely underground, there was a single chair other than mine. Alexander sat down in that chair. He was 27, extremely smart. He'd been working for Hydra for several years. He pulled something out of his pocket and held it up. A syringe filled with a liquid I didn't recognize.

"So we can speak on even terms." He said as he prodded it into my arm.

It didn't hurt until he injected the fluid, which burnt my veins like ice on bare skin. After a few minutes all of the thoughts around me faded out. So that's what he meant.

"It worked." I told him.

He nodded.

"I'm sure you're wondering where you are."

I shook my head.

"We're underground in a building near a busy street. Quite a few Hydra officials are here so I assume either in an outpost or a headquarters."

He smiled. "Excellent. Very extraordinary. Soldier." When he said that Bucky straightened. "Make sure her powers are kept sedated."  
Bucky nodded stiffly.

"Miss Evans, I'm sure you've wondered about what's going on. First, though you most likely already know, my name is Alexander Worther. I am one of the leading scientists here in Hydra. I specialise in what we call metamorphosis. I've studied what was done for our 'Winter Soldier' as he is known and I believe I may have perfected it in the machine behind you. This machine has not been tested yet, we prefer to use a different one on the soldier. But you are to be the product of this machine. A new tool for us to use."

I nodded slowly. "I have a question."

"What?"

"Was it Hydra who kidnapped me when I was ten?"

"Yes."

"Then did Hydra give me my powers?"

"Yes."

"That's what I thought. But why did Hydra kidnap me of all people?"

"Your parents. We have a full transcript of your conversation you had with the Avengers. All of your speculations were accurate."  
I nodded, wire glasses had told them everything.

"Is there anything else you want to know?"

"No, not right now."

"Alright then-"

"Wait."

"Yes?"

"What exactly are you going to do to me?"

He stood up and laughed. I shivered, it was still cold.

"You are being so compliant. It makes me wonder what you're planning."

He walked closer, next to my head. He knelt down and his mouth was right next to my ear.

"We'll break you down to nothing and build you back up as one of ours. But first we'll need to collapse your mental defenses. That will be our soldiers job. Torture, interrogation, rehabilitation, whatever you prefer to call it. You'll start tomorrow."

He stood back up and nodded to Bucky. Bucky sat down.

"My primary missions are to keep you under surveillance and prepare you for metamorph." He stated, his voice nearly monotone.

"Very good, I'll leave you here." He told Bucky. "I'll se e you soon Evans."  
Bucky watched him leave. Once Alexander was gone he turned back to me.

"Bucky?" I watched for a reaction.

He made no response, just sat there.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked. "Sit here?"

He stood up.

"We'll start tomorrow." He said, echoing the words of the scientist.

He continued staring at me. I just shook my head and laid it back on the chair. I closed my eyes again. Is there anyway I could get a message out? If my powers would work I might be able to control the guards. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get Bucky to remember. It didn't look like there was a currently accessible access I laid my head back on the chair and closed my eyes to sleep.

I was running through darkness. I ran straight into it, laughing as I went. I was finally free! I could do what I wanted. My powers were limitless. I ran into Bucky. I stumbled back, my head suddenly throbbing with a brutal headache. I backed right into another person. I turned around to see the one eye of Nick Fury looking at me with a disapproving glare. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to betray Shield. Loki stepped out of the shadows.

"Choose." His voice echoed unnaturally.

"What are you talking about?"

"Choose." He raised his hands, palms up, so that they were level with his shoulders.  
"I can't, what are you talking about?"

I shook my head, backing out of the circle that they had formed. What did he mean, choose? What did I need to choose from? It was so cold and humid. The air was hard to move in, like sludge. It was hard to make decisions. My body wouldn't respond in the way I wanted it to. I stumbled back into the circle, right into Loki. I knocked him over and everything was falling away. Down, the darkness growing even darker. Down, I couldn't see anything. Down, suddenly I saw the ground rushing at me. Loki looked like he was trying to catch me but, I fell past him. I looked and the ground was surging towards me.

I started awake, screaming, in a cold sweat. It took me a moment to realize I had been dreaming. God, what was going on? Why me? Why did my parents old job make me susceptible to this?

I don't want to be here… I'm…. that was when reality hit me. I was going to be tortured, hurt, beaten, worse. I didn't want this to happen to me.

The door creaked. My powers were resurfacing but not enough to do anything with. I watched Bucky pull out another syringe and prod it into my arm. The ice of the chemical spread quickly through my veins, cutting off my abilities once again. By this time I was extremely uncomfortable, hungry and exhausted. The drugs dulled my perception too.

My brain wasn't working as fast as it normally could. Bucky stared at me for a moment, then he grabbed my chin with his metal hand. He leaned forward, closer to my face.

"I remember what happened." He said tensely.

I bit my lip.

"What do you remember?"

"You tried to kill me." He leaned in further.

His breath hit my face, sour and hot. I laughed.

"I never tried to kill you! What kind of lies are they planting in your head?"

"What lies?"

"Whatever lies make you want to perform these missions!" I exclaimed. "This isn't you, Steve would never care about someone as much as he does if they wanted to be like this."  
His fist connected with my cheek. I turned my head with the impact.

"Stop talking." He commanded, grabbing my chin and roughly yanking it back to face the front.

I swallowed and bit my lip. We held eye contact for a few moments until he seemed satisfied. He turned around and walked up to the wall, leaning against it with one arm.

"I'm so confused." I heard him whisper.

"I… think I could help you." I spoke softly, like I was trying not to agitate an animal.

He spun around, glaring at me intensely. He walked up, this time smacking me with an open palm.

"I told you to keep your mouth shut."

I took a deep breath and stayed quiet. Bucky continued muttering to himself, most of which I couldn't hear.

"Steve… name… dead… right." Was all I managed to gather.

"Who is Steve?" He asked.

"Steve is-" He cut me off with another punch.

I stared at him with wide eyes. I shook my head subtly.

"You-" He stopped. "I want to know but, I need t follow the orders. I don't know, I have to make decisions. I'm not prepared for this."

I didn't speak, what could I say?

"Steve was… a friend?" He looked at me. His tone indicated it being a question.  
I nodded.

"Steve was my friend?"

I nodded again, he bit the inside of his cheek.

"Steve was sad when I was gone?"

I wanted to pour out. Telling him how sad Steve was, how immensely, how horrendously sad. Instead I just had to nod.  
He turned and punched me, smacked me, hurt me all over. I knew he was trying to resist, trying to stop himself. I saw it in the hesitation of his fist when he reared back for another blow, I saw it in his face when he stared at me as I was almost passing out from a raging headache. I saw it in his eyes as he left the room. As blackness spread across my vision he looked at me with a mixture of sadness and regret and I faded into oblivion.


	14. Chapter 14: Hydra

After what I could only assume were several days of different forms of torture. The absolutely most terrifying being the box. They would put me in a closed box, sand slowly poured into it, covering my feet and slowly getting closer and closer to my face. I spent the entire time coughing because in the small space my breathing quickened and I inhaled grains of sand. It slowly covered my neck and then my mouth, my nose, invading every crevice of my body that they could. When I finally was about to pass out or nearly passed out, they opened the door and I fell out, my head hitting the ground. They did this again and again. To clean me off they did the same thing but with water instead of sand, scalding water, freezing water. It happened several times. I never thought my fear of small spaces would hit me so hard, I didn't even know how they'd figured out I was afraid of them, but they knew. Yes they knew. If it wasn't Bucky hurting me I was back in the box, the size of a coffin, and they would put something in with me. It ranged from red fire ants, all the way to snakes. I had to hold completely still. The ants bit my entire body. The snakes were the easiest, surprisingly, they slithered around me, not really with a care for what I was. While I was in the box they would ask me to say different things. I have no memory whatsoever of what those things were, but if I didn't say them then they would add to everything around me. The water would move quicker, they would add another snake or another species of ant. After a long time I was conditioned to repeat anything they told me to say, no matter what it was. After several of different experiences such as this I was taken back to the room and tied down.

My hands were untied when I woke. I looked down at my ankles, they were untied too. I cringed, my face felt extremely swollen. When I shakily stood, I found a tray with bread and water. I eyed it suspiciously for a few seconds before my mind gave in. I finished the dry bread in a few bites and the water in one swallow. My stomach cried for more as I sat back down in the chair.

Where was Bucky? Being tortured himself?

I walked up to the cement wall and leaned against it as Bucky had. My powers were almost there. I could almost communicate, contact Steve or Tony or someone who could help. Almost, almost, I strained my mind and suddenly there was a click and the voices were back. I couldn't sense Bucky anywhere near me. I reached my mind out to the busy street which I knew was nearby looking for thoughts of Shield or some kind of police force.

No luck. No one had any thoughts that I could currently access which let me to believe that they could help me. I shook my head and kept searching. After a few minutes I slammed my fist against the wall.

"Damn it!"

I closed my eyes. Someone, anyone. Nothing, no one. Not even someone associated with a police force. I grimaced, walking back to the chair. I felt much more aware than I had been over the past few days. I focused onto the minds in the complex. There wasn't anyone outside my cell except the guards. I whipped one of their control panels up into my vision. I wasn't quite sure if I was coordinated enough to be able to make him knock out the other guard. Worth a try though. I quickly had him turn and bash the other guard in the face. I focused for a moment and tapped into his visual centers. I saw through his eyes and saw the other guards look of shock. I quickly made him rear back with another punch. This one was better aimed and hit the guard square in the jaw. He tumbled back and for a moment I thought he was incapacitated. Then he lunged and pressed a red alert button. Sirens started blaring. I looked around through the guard's eyes. He had a key card on his belt. There was a slider next to the door to my cell. I had him take it and unlock the door to my cell. I had him take it and unlock the door. I brought myself back to my own mind and froze his muscles. I walked through the door, glancing at the guard who was frozen.

"Thanks for your help." I smiled.

I turned and brought my foot down on the head f the guard who was on the ground. I grabbed his gun and sprinted through the complex. I rounded a corner and ran right into a heavily armored guard. I shuffled back and aimed my gun at his foot. I fired and he fell back. Jumping over him, I continued through the building. My fatal mistake came when I ran past a doorway, even when I saw someone standing in it. They grabbed the collar of my shirt as I ran by. I skidded to an abrupt stop and focused on finding their mind. But before I could, I felt a needle in my arm. My powers deserted me, but I still had a gun.

I spun quickly enough to yank their hand off of my collar. I thrust the barrel of the gun to their forehead before I looked to see who it was.

A male scientist, slightly taller than average maybe 5'11"? Black hair, I didn't know him.

"Listen carefully." I snarled. "You're going to show me a way out of here. Otherwise you're going to have a bullet through that brilliant brain of yours, you got me?"

He shook his head. "I'd rather die than lose our work."

My hands shook. Could I really take his life?

No, I couldn't.

I looked at him as I heard steps behind me. They still had me. I dropped the gun and put my hands up, spinning around slowly. Alexander was flanked by two guards.

"Well done, very well done Evans. That was an exceptional demonstration of your powers. Now, we need to escort you back to your cell. We're going to be having the first trial of the machine."

I took a few steps back. The scientist wasn't there anymore.

"No." I stated. "I won't."

He watched me for a moment. Then he smiled.

"Very well." He pulled out a communication device. "Soldier as soon as you have finished your mission we need you immediately back here. We have a situation that needs handling."

"Roger." Bucky's voice rang through the hall.

"He'll be back here soon. He will be much more lenient if he finds you in your cell."

He turned around and the guards blocked the hallway. One of them walked forward and picked up the gun I'd dropped.

"I leave the choice to you, Evans."

I glared at his back as he walked away. Then I planted myself on the ground, folding over and wrapping my hands around my knees. I don't want to face this. I shouldn't have to be here. It's not my fault that my parents had that job. Why…?

I sat like this for a long time, so long that I fell asleep. I was woken by Bucky's hands grabbing me roughly and hoisting me over his shoulder. I was so exhausted that I made no objection as he strapped me back into the chair. That was just as I actually woke up and the torture began again.

I was breathing hard when he was done. I could see bruises already developing under my cuts and lumps. At that moment I'd already given up. The pain was so much. It would almost be worth it to give in, maybe I would.

Alexander came in and dismissed Bucky.

I watched him leave, a look of confusion and regret on his face, not unlike the look he had given me the last time. Alexander was accompanied by two others who immediately got to work on the machine behind me. Alexander came around and sat in the chair in front of me.

"Remember, Evans, you would be nothing without Hydra. We made you who you are. Think about that as you go through the procedure."

At that he slid a mouth guard into my mouth. I clamped down on it. He smiled.

"I have to wonder what is making you so compliant. We may have been hurting you for days, weeks even, however, there are so many reasons you shouldn't be. Your kidnapping, your powers, your parent's assassinations.."

My eyes widened. He laughed.

"You mean, you didn't know?" He smiled, his eyes twinkling maliciously.

My body quavered with anger. I shook my head, repressing it.

 _Damn it Loki why do you have to be so stupid?_ I thought _I know you were just trying to get rid of me but really?_

"Yes, well we took the initiative during the invasion because it would be easy to cover up. Simple."

I snarled through the mouth guard. This changed everything, at least my opinion of Hydra. They weren't just assholes, they were extremely annoying, selfish awful underhanded bastards who had no regards for anyone except themselves.

The machine tilted back and my arms were latched down with more metal. Metal closed around my cheeks and static made it spark. My arm hair stood up.

"Ready to activate." One of the scientists at the machine spoke.

Alexander raised his hand.

"You _will_ become one of ours, Cressida."

He lowered his hand and suddenly electric pain was surging through my body. T was such foreign pain compared to the torture I was acclimated to. My back curved and I could feel my scream rolling through the mouth guard. My mind hurt, ached, it felt like it was being turned inside out, rearranged. I didn't want that but the pain was so much. My chest spasmed, I couldn't control anything no movements. If I just let it take over it might be over sooner, I could be done, I'd be more helpful with Hydra. They could make use of me. Better use maybe than Shield?

But I can't just leave them… I can't leave Loki. Don't they need me?

The pain intensified.

They do, I want to work with them They're my…. Enemies. No that's wrong. They're my friends, my friends, my friends, my friends, my….

Our...

Enemies.

There isn't a reason to care about them. They are just in the way of our plans. No they're not. They're friends. They're my friends. I can't forget I won't forget. Stop trying to make me forget.

"STOP!" I screamed. The mouth guard absorbed my word and turned it into a feral scream.

The pain intensified.

Friends, enemies, friends, enemies, friends…

Make it stop. I can't no, no no!

Murky black snapped over my vision and I let myself sink into it. A brief relief from the pain still coursing through me.


	15. Chapter 15: The Winter Soldier

I woke up muddily. My brain and ears felt like they were filled with oppressive foam, weighing my thinking down. I was completely surrounded by darkness. My head hurt so badly that even the slightest movement jolted it and made my ears ring. I looked around slowly, as not to agitate it. Straining my eyes into the darkness I realized it was just so dark that they wouldn't adjust. I gave up on that and closed my eyes, my mind was a battle ground. I wasn't sure of anything. I was sure of what I wanted but my own beliefs comingled with those that were not mine, making me extremely confused. I couldn't tell whose beliefs were whose. I could feel that my wrists and legs were tied down. It felt like the same chair I was I when… something happened. My memories were shattered, I could remember some things others were cracks or missing pieces. That thing that they used on me, wasn't it supposed to take away everything? I started sorting through various phrases or words that seemed important.

I work for Shield.

I am friends with someone called Loki.

I don't want to be where I am.

I looked at where the bindings on my wrists would've been.

A noise creaked and a ray of light shot across the wall in front of me. Just that light made my head pound. Bucky, I remembered-

The ray of light disappeared and was replaced by a bright one in my face instead. The person I recognized as Bucky stood in front of me, his face tight with concern or anguish, or both.

"Who am I?" He asked, his voice barely audible. My head still pounded. Too much sound, too much sight.

I shook my head.

"Who am I?!" He screamed. "I know that you know."

I shook my head. "They took it, I don't know anymore." Talking felt like rubbing sandpaper up and down the inside of my throat.

He grabbed the sides of my head, clenching my hair in his hands.

"I have to know!" His voice choked up, I saw tears in his eyes. "I need to know so I can make a decision. An important one."

I bit my lip. I could feel his sadness, confusion.

"I don't know!" My eyes filled up with tears.

I was going through the same thing he was.

"You knew, you have to tell me who I am. I need to know."

We were both actively crying by now.

"I wish I could tell you but I don't know. I don't even know who I am."

He let go of my hair and faced the wall, both arms braced against it.

"I remember that you have a man who cares deeply for you."

He turned back quickly.

"Steve?"

"I don't know but if his name comes to your head it's probably him."

Bucky nodded. He leaned down.

"I think I know what I have to do now. I will be back for you soon, then you can leave. I'll get you out."

Out of where I didn't know. What I did know was that Bucky had just done something extraordinary so as he left, I smiled. The returning of my past seemed like the best thing that could happen to me and maybe Bucky getting it out would do that.

Later, I didn't know how much later, time was something I couldn't figure out. Not at that moment. A few people came in, muttering fervently about something. I looked as they fiddled with the thing behind me. One came in front of me.

"Cressida." He said.

I didn't acknowledge, who's Cressida?

"Cressida." He insisted.

I focused my eyes on him but I still didn't acknowledge. He shook his head, he was extremely frustrated.

"What happened!" He demanded. "What went wrong with the selective termination of memories? This is not what should've happened. She shouldn't have been reduced to this."

One of the assistants shook their head.

"We don't know, sir It should've affected her in the exact same way The Soldier was. Instead it just did this."

The one in front of me paced back and forth. I cleared my throat.

"Who am I?" I asked. "I should know but I don't."

He looked at me.

"Cressida, something terrible has gone wrong. Things that shouldn't have happened have happened. Your memory has been fragmented. Something might restore your mind but," He shook his head. "We'll have to try the machine again."

I didn't know what he meant but I nodded.

"Does that mean I can leave soon?" I asked hopefully.

"No you will be staying here."

I don't think I liked this man before I was broken. They put a mouth guard in. They fooled around with the machine before the chair fell back and the metal clamped over me again, again? Yes this had happened to me before. Odd tingling danced on my skin. They flipped on a switch and I couldn't…

There isn't really a way to describe it. Different from the first time but a whole new level of pain. My bones screeched, my head pounded. Not electron pain but blunt, unseasoned pain. It ripped through my body and my mind. Taking away all of my ability to think, to move, to act. What could I do except scream?

The black pain blocked out my sight as my body contorted and contracted. It lasted for what seemed like forever but when it finally stopped I was covered in sweat. I struggled to breath. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest in a way that made it hurt. The man in front of me shook his head. I laid my own against the headrest and closed my eyes.

"It might have worked. Open your eyes Cressida."

I didn't know who he was speaking to, but I opened my eyes. We made direct eye contact.

"Who are you?" He asked.

I shook my head slowly.

"I don't know." I answered.

He shook his head.

"This shouldn't have happened… THIS SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED!" He placed fervently in front of me. "That's it, the soldier needs our help more than she does right now. Sedater her until we need her again."

I crinkled my forehead.

"Why are you doing that? Can't I stay awake? How will you keep me sedated for that long?"

Please don't be what I think, please don't be what I remember.

"We'll be putting you in a sort of stasis. Kriostasis to be specific. You'll be frozen but in a way which will preserve your current age. The same technique used on our soldier."

"Why? Why do you need to do this to me?"

"Because we don't have time to fix your memory right now. You won't be in it long, just until we know what's wrong."

I bit my lip and shook my head.

"We'll need a couple of days to prepare the chamber. You will stay in here."

"No!" I exclaimed. "This isn't right."

He looked at me for a moment before walking out.

"Sedate her."

I shook my head.

"No, no stop please, I can be useful. I can do something. Just please don't I don't want to be ripped out of my own time." I didn't know what I was saying but the words kept tumbling out of my mouth. "Why do I have to go through this? I've never done anything wrong. Please let me go, let me go!"

The needle plunged into my arm and I felt the drugs washing through my system. My brain was quickly weighed down and I lost my muscle control. I resisted as long as I could until the darkness overtook me and I was absorbed into it.


	16. Chapter 16: Escape

I woke up on the floor of a small metal chamber. I stood up and felt the chill against my skin. I knew where I was: A cryostasis chamber. I quickly looked around and found the window. Immediately my fear kicked in, my breaths shortened as I pressed my face against the glass and peered out. The two scientists who had been with the other one were working at a pair of control panels. I watched them work for a long time as I tried to slow my breathing. Then I turned away. My abilities, mental powers, what are they? I searched my mind, trying to fit together what I'd figured out with the fragments of memories I had.

My name…. Cressida or…. New Moon. I felt like I had been called that at one point.

I had powers which were unique to my race…. My race, humans. I am human. Or superhuman. I work at a place called… Shield., they protect humans. I care for someone called Loki, I help him. I'm in a place I don't want to be. I have mental powers and they are…. I slammed my hand against the wall of the container. If I could just remember. I looked back out at the scientists. As I was watching them red lights started flashing. I could feel an alarm reverberating through the metal. Both of the scientists looked around, confused. One of them walked out quickly the other pressed a bunch of buttons on the control panel. He glanced in the glass and we locked eyes for a second. Then he pressed one final button and ran out. I felt the cold start wrapping up my legs. It froze me over slowly, agonizingly, It felt a bit like falling asleep and it lured me in.

Had I thought this was agonizing? Then the cold actually set in. I shivered, it wrapped around my waist and up my chest. I raised my hands to my face as my arms were frozen. Like being plunged into the arctic sea then pulled out and wrapped in an icy blanket to try and get warm. I felt my face and my mind start to freeze up just as a metal hand burst through the glass in front of my face. I felt the freezing air rush past me and out the hole.

"Bucky!" I exclaimed.

He shook his head.

"No time right now, we have to get you out of there."

He looked around and went out of sight. I heard a click and the door swung open. I started to stumble out as Bucky grabbed my hand and pulled me out. He started running, dragging me along behind him.

"Bucky, what's going on?" I asked.

"We have to go, they're burning the building." He insisted.

"What, why?"

"They don't want any written documents left after what has happened." He paused. "They've been exposed. A lot of people who worked in Shield were undercover Hydra operatives. They're burning the records that weren't on computers. So we have to get out. Now."

We were now running through smoke clouded hallways. I was breathing so hard that I started coughing whenever I breathed in. I slowed down considerably and it felt like Bucky was going to pull my arm out of it's socket.

"I need to stop Bucky, I can't breath."

He turned back to me.

"We need to keep going, we're almost out."

I kept coughing but I nodded. "Okay, I'll try."

He picked up again, a bit slower but still at a pace I couldn't maintain. We finally came to a closed door.

"This is it, the stairs to the alley behind the building are in this room."

He put his hand on the doorknob and threw the door open. Smoke rolled over me and the only way I knew where to go was the tug on my arm. I tried to follow it but I was having too much trouble. I couldn't breath, I couldn't move. I collapsed to my knees.

"Bucky, just go, it's fine. I'll get out." I squawked, my voice rocky from the smoke.

"Never." He said.

He picked me up behind my neck and under my knees and carried me through the room.

"There's something I always told Steve." He said as he walked through the room. "I think it applies here too."

He didn't say what it was but I could see it floating in words above his head.

 _I'm with you 'til the end of the line._

I felt him carrying me up the stairs. He managed to open the door then run out into the sweet cleaner air. He jogged for a few minutes while I gulped in the crisp, clean air. He finally set me down in cool grass then sat down next to me. I curled up as I absorbed the fresh air, still having a lot of trouble breathing. When I finally managed to blink out all of my smoke-induced tears I looked around. I could see the plume of smoke from the Hydra building. We were in a familiar looking park, I think I might've been here before. I think… I think that my house was nearby, maybe we could go there. I turned to him to ask him what he thought about going to my house. His expression was pained and confused, how I imagined mine probably looked. I raised my hand and patted his shoulder, the contact reassuring for not only for him but for myself too.

"We'll figure out who we are, Bucky, we can help each other."

He turned to me.

"I know… so little about myself. I don't remember who I was, much less who I am."

"I know.. Very little. I remember my name, a friend, where I worked. I think my house is somewhere nearby. We can go camp there for a couple of hours before we leave. We should probably find a change of clothes for you too as that…" I looked over his black clothes. "Is going to be a bit too conspicuous."

He nodded and stood up. I followed, a bit more shakily, but followed nonetheless. I led him thrugh the park. Funny that I knew right where we were going, a couple of days before I didn't remember my name… What was it again? Starts with a C? Charlotte? Chloe? Cressida… yes. We got to the apartment building.

"I… I think this is it." I told him. "We'll have to go up the fire escape, I don't have the keys to get in, obviously."

We walked around the side of the building, I started up the ladder first, after Bucky boosted me up so I could grab it. My muscles tired quickly and I had to pause at the second balcony. I leaned against the wall with heavy breaths before I climbed higher. Bucky was right behind me. I knew which window was mine because instead of glass a sheet of plastic was taped up. I ripped it off easily and crawled i, avoiding the sharp edges of broken glass. I couldn't remember how my window had gotten broken. It was… something, some way. I dropped to the floor and stood up straight, panting. I moved away from the window so Bucky could follow me in. The room was just as I remembered, or as much as I could remember. A quick search of my apartment yielded my wallet with some cash, a few credit cards as well as my drivers license and my keys. I searched through my drawers for a change of clothes. Whatever I was wearing was dirty and held awful memories. I took a shower to wash off as much of the grime as I could. The hot water stung the bites all over my body and I found sand everywhere. I even found a snake bite on my ankle which I hadn't noticed before, combined with the ants I don't think I would've been able to feel it. The wound was old and crusted over, most likely from a week or so before, I didn't know how long I'd been imprisoned and how long the torture in the box had lasted. Just being in the shower, a glass box with water flowing around me, scared me and made me feel like I was back there. When I stepped out of the shower I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My frame was sallow, my skin was mottled with patches of raised red ant bites. Under the bites were bruises, almost covering me completely. I should be able to cover most of them with clothes but I would definitely be feeling them. I went back into my room wrapped in a towel. Black tank top, black jeans and my Shield issued boots. I put a light blue hoodie on over it and walked out to Bucky, who was waiting in the living room. After I grabbed a granola bar, ate the entire one, and then slipped another in my pocket, I held up my wallet and my keys.

"Let's go." I told Bucky.

As he stepped out the window I glanced around the room one last time. There was a photo album on the table. I walked over and ran my hand on it.

This was important. I thought.

I picked it up and flipped to the last page. On it was a picture of me with a couple of older people I didn't recognize. I was smiling, I must've known them. I slipped it out and looked at for a few moments before turning and dropping it on the floor as I walked to the window.

My life was different now. No more time for that.

Then I followed Bucky out the window.

Twenty minutes later we were driving down the highway in my car which had been free of graffiti and had not been towed, thankfully. I looked down at the center console. The radio was on, I knew the songs but I didn't remember them. I shook myself out of my daze and focused back on the road. I saw a sign for a Gap at the next exit, I looked back quickly and merged into the exit lane.

"We can get you some clothes Buck."

I saw him shudder a bit in the passenger seat.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"I just…" He paused. "Memories. Buck, it was what Steve used to call me, I think."

"Oh, sorry."

"No, no, it's fine. I miss hearing people talk to me like they're my friend. Not giving me orders or information or something."

I smiled and nodded as I pulled into the parking lot. I got out of the car and waited for Bucky to get out before I locked it.

Once that was done we walked through the doors, I glanced cautiously down at Bucky's arm to make sure it was covered up. I'd loaned him a large hoodie that I had left from an old high school boyfriend. It covered up his arm pretty well, except for a hand, which he'd covered with a glove he found in a drawer. It made him slightly more inconspicuous but not by much. We walked into the Gap and I glanced around. He looked really confused but sort of in awe at all of the new fashions. He'd never really been anywhere where he could shop for clothes. I pulled various shirts, jeans and jackets off the shelves and handed them to Bucky. Once he had a sufficient pile I asked him to go try them on. While he did that I picked out a baseball cap for him. I grabbed a Brooklyn Dodgers cap. He came out of the changing rooms with a smaller pile of clothes.

"This is what I liked." He told me.

Among the assortment I saw several plaid shirts, a pleather jacket, a few black, grey and dark blue t-shirts and several pairs of jeans. I had him take out a couple more pairs of jeans before he stacked them on the counter.

The person at the desk rang everything up.

"Are you gonna chip in at all sweet cheeks or is your girlfriend gonna pay for it all?" They asked.

Bucky and I looked at each other and snorted.

"We're not together." I snickered. "More like siblings if anything other than friends."

The man gave me an odd look as I handed him my credit card. He slid it and pressed a couple buttons.

"If you say so." They said as they gave it back.

They put all of the clothes in a bag. I grabbed it and Bucky and I left. I half laughed all the way to the car. By the time we both got in I had settled down enough.

"Bucky, do you want to stop somewhere to get some food? You can change when we get there or in the back if you want. I'm just starving, I had a granola bar earlier."

"Anything's fine with me." He nodded. "I wouldn't mind a good meal either."

So I pulled into the Chipotle parking lot and we went inside. After we ordered and got our food I sat at a table while Bucky changed. He had been a bit confused on how to order but he got the hang of it quickly, building a burrito with tons of different toppings. He had picked out his clothes from the bag in the trunk. While I was eating I thought about what we would do. Where are we supposed to go? Who should we talk to? I felt like we both needed time to remember wh we were before we saw people who knew who we were. I sighed. I honestly could just use one person right now. But the memory of who they were and the memory of their name wouldn't connect. I shook my head as if to knock the puzzle pieces into place. Who do I care for? Care about? Loki, that was his name. I wanted to talk to him right now about something that he had told me. Something that wasn't true. I shook my head. I couldn't remember it.

Bucky walked up and sat down across from me and started eating his burrito. I picked at my chips with cheese and beans, not extremely hungry anymore. Bucky was wearing jeans, the dark grey shirt, and the pleather jacket I'd bought him along with the Brooklyn Dodgers cap. Hee still wore the glove over his hand but every so often I saw a flash of silver under his sleeve.

"So… Buck, what do you want to do?"

He looked up at me and held up a brochure.

"I saw this in that thing over there." He gestured to one of those tiered display stands that held tons of brochures for tourists. I took the brochure he was holding and looked it over.

 _New Exhibit!_ It screamed on the front, along with a picture of a shield.

"Steve's shield?" I asked instinctively.

He nodded back. I should've know that. Now I remember, I went back to the brochure. I opened it.

 _Our museum partners with Shield historians to create a one of a kind Captain America experience. Explore the science and history involved in the making of Captain America and find out about the relationships that make him who he is!_

A few aging pictures of who I guessed was steve were spread across the page along with the article. As well as one brand new photo of Steve looking majestic. I found the address on the back. The Smithsonian. I glanced up at Bucky.

"What day is it?" I asked.

He shrugged, I glanced around. Then I stood up and went to the counter. An attendant walked up.

"Sorry to bother you. But me and I friend are a bit out of it and we can't remember what day it is… Can you help us?"

"Sure, dude. It's the seventeenth."

"Of what month?"

He looked a little taken aback.

"August, dude, August."

I shook my head. It had been… a different month when I was captured. I couldn't remember. How long had it been?

"What day of the week?"

He shook his head, chastising. "Sunday."

"Okay, thanks." I spun on my heels and walked back to our table.

When I got there I picked up the brochure.

"It's closed already." I told him as I looked at the hours and the clock on the wall. But it opens at 9 tomorrow morning. "We can drive over there and sleep in the car tonight."

"As long as we go there." He stated.

We both stood up at the same time. He nodded and I walked to the door.

The guy from the counter called. "Must've been some party."

As we walked out I glanced back to see a man hastily stand up. I shook my head. The memory of my powers kept phasing in and out. I tried repeatedly to click it into place in the puzzle so it would stop disappearing. I looked again at the man and read his thoughts. Read his thoughts? That's what I could do, those are my powers. He was a Shield agent. He was supposed to watch my house to see if I came back. When he saw us he started tailing us. Now he was going to report what he discovered to Shield. He walked out of the Chipotle as we were getting in the car. Once he had gotten in his car and driven away, I turned to Bucky.

"Did you see that man?" I asked.

"Yes. His activity seemed suspicious. Not to mention he's been following us."

"What? You knew? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I felt it would compromise the situation out of our favor."

I raised my eyebrows.

"True, that. But he's a Shield agent. I should've known earlier but I kept forgetting about my powers…" I gritted my teeth. "Anyway he was supposed to be stalking us and now he's going to report us. I think we should take a different car. Do you have any idea how to hotwire one?"

Bucky smiled and nodded.

"That I do."

Twenty minutes later we were cruising down the road in a little black jeep we'd found two parking lots over. We had decided to leave the keys to my car in the parking spot in case they had really needed a ride. Not like there was anything that I could remember in my car that was important. I knew it wasn't okay but… well, we really needed it. I hope they were okay I mean.. I felt bad. Besides the car we had taken was pretty much the perfect choice because:

A: Whoever drove it had great taste in music because all of the CDs were burned compilations of a bunch of different really good artists and

B: Whoever drove it also had really good choice in snack foods. The back seat was filled with different snack foods, peanut M&Ms, and various other snacks in the back row.

It was almost 10 when we pulled into the parking lot that was sort of near the museum. I didn't park too close because I didn't want to arouse too much suspicion. After I shut off the car and put on the parking brake. I opened the shade and the mirror on the shade.

In the low light I looked even worse, my eyes were sunken, and my hair… The shampoo hadn't done much, my hair was still greasy and messy. I took a ponytail holder from the middle console and tied my hair back as neatly as I could. When I looked back in the mirror I could see the dark bruises accentuated. Just seeing them made me relive those hours, days weeks. However long it had bee. I could see them on the skin above my sleeve as well. I tied the ponytail off and dropped my arms. It was a wonder that every movement didn't hurt. I snuck a look at Bucky. He had taken his glove off and was examining his metal hand.

"What happened?" I asked him.

"When?"

"Everything after you fell off the train."

"You know about that?" He cringed.

I nodded. "I've been in Steve's head, I think. I know a lot. Though I can't remember all of it."

He bit his lip.

"Hydra found me in the ravine. Some things that I don't quite remember, happened. Then… there was cold, really cold. They froze me like they were doing with you. The first thing I remember after that was…. seeing Steve on the bridge, then finding you. Fighting Steve.: He squeezed his eyes shut. "Then I worked with you, I was on a plane trying to stop Steve from taking it down. We were fighting and he said what I told you, when we were in the fire. I was so confused. I saved Steve, then I went back for you. I found out that all of Shield's files had been dumped online. Their headquarters were wrecked."

"Wait, their headquarters were wrecked?"

"Yes, the casualties were heavy."

"Do you know, there was a man named Loki there, do you know if he's okay?"

"I don't even know who that is."

I shook my head.

"It's fine, it's fine. I don't even remember who he was, just that I cared about him."

"I understand how you feel." Bucky patted me on the back.

I stared off into space. Bucky tilted his chair back and curled up on his side, closing his eyes. He looked really peaceful, even though I could see exactly how chaotic his mind was. I turned to look out the window the other way. I wished I could've found my phone when I was at my apartment, but it wasn't there. They must've taken it from me at the hospital. Yes! I remembered. I had been at the hospital because… because… Bucky had attacked me when he was under the influence of Hydra. I snapped my fingers.

I was proud of myself for remembering. Maybe if I had found my phone I could've contacted someone who could help. Someone who understood. Maybe Barton? Or Stark? It's not like I could anyways. Why bother thinking about it? I reclined my chair back and closed my eyes. It took me a long time to get comfortable, but when I finally did I was out like a light.


End file.
